How Do I Make You Feel

Emmitt's Speech

Eleven years later....

Emmitt Hendrix stands at the left wing of a huge stage. Now twenty seven years old, with blondish facial hair, dark brimmed glasses resting on his nose. It was press night, and he was next to talk about his new book and it's success. As an author living in New York, it had never been easy. But he had slowly gained popularity when he had started writing extremely profound work. He stood nervously in his navy blue suit, tied up with a black tie. He held his book and a few notes on crumpled pieces of paper. 

The announcer,  a man with black hair and a cheesy grin stood at the microphone, talking loudly, his voice echoing throughout the huge auditorium. In the front row, men and women with cameras and notepads, waiting. Thousands of people sat in the seats, eager.

"And now, the guest we have all been waiting for...."

Emmitt Hendrix straightened his tie and breathed in.

"The esteemed number one best selling author, Emmitt Hendrix!"

Thundering waves of applause came rushing towards Emmitt as he walked on stage. He nodded to the announcer, smiling, and stood in front of the mic.

"Hello, hello. Thank you ladies and gentlemen," Emmitt said, waving his hand up to silence the crowd. "I appreciate you all joining me tonight."

As the crowd silenced, Emmitt took a deep breath. "As you may or may not know, I recently wrote and published my newest book, Time of the Essence."

Another round of applause erupted from the audience.

"Thank you, yes," Emmitt nodded. "Which took me a long time to write. About three or four years, presumably. Not to mention to get it edited, and illustrated, and published, which took a few more years. If you haven't read it yet, I recommend you do. And I'm not just saying that because I'm the author," he smiled.

Laughs surfaced from the audience now.

"The book is mainly all about finding yourself. Finding your meaning and introducing yourself.... to yourself.  It explores many different topics, such as discovery, love... and grief."

The audience was much quiet now, as Emmitt seemed to get more quiet too. 

"You know, the book actually wrote itself as I grew up. It's based heavily on who I am. When I was younger, when I lived and grew up in Oregon, I met someone who lived across the street from me. It was a young boy, dark black hair, my age. I remember sitting in my room, which had this view of the whole street. And I would open my journal and grab my pen and start writing about anything I saw. And this one day, I saw the boy. He was so interesting, and I didn't know why. My family knew his mother and we ended up getting to know him. My sister had this nonsense crush on him, which always bugged me."

Emmitt looked down, and took a deep breath. "It bugged me in ways I didn't understand, or didn't want to understand. But the truth is, the boy was someone who I spent the whole summer with. I taught him how to ride a bike, and we hung out in the coolest places. And the boy struggled a lot inside. He had a condition, I'm not sure if any of you have heard of it, called alexithymia, which affects your emotions."

"I never saw him as the boy who couldn't express himself. Because to me, he was expressing himself through helping me express myself.  Every time I spent time with him I learnt more about myself. And on one particular night, I ran home to my mother and I said, "mom, look... I'm gay."

Complete silence fell over the auditorium, as people took in what they were hearing.

"I knew who I was. And I was able to say it. Because of him. My dad disowned me, left my mother, sister and me on our own. But my mother was amazing, and continually raised my sister and I to be the best people we could be."

"What I'm trying to say here tonight is that this book is dedicated to my best friend, my first crush, the person that made me realize who I was. Who died eleven years ago, by suicide. Gavin Shepard, I dedicate this book to you. And your legacy will live on throughout these pages."

Emmitt held up his book and tapped the cover. The audience applauded, some people whistling in the back. The journalists started flashing their cameras, getting the best angles they could from where they were standing. Emmitt smiled, feeling small bits of pain wash back up. He started thinking of Gavin, all those years ago, and his face before he-

And the applause grew loud again, Emmitt regaining his posture. He smiled, proud of what he had just shared with the large room.

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Emmitt hugged his mother, standing backstage. He gripped her shoulders and looked at her. "Thanks so much mom. For coming tonight."

Mrs. Hendrix looked at him, proud with tears in her eyes. "I am so proud of you. Of everything you're accomplishing. I always knew you could do it."

"Aw, ma," Emmitt said, embarrassed. "I love you."

"And that speech!" she said, in awe. "So powerful. And real."

"Have you heard anything from dad?" Emmitt asked, getting serious again.

Mrs. Hendrix looked at Emmitt, getting quiet. She thought for a minute, holding something in. "Emmitt, I didn't want you to know anything about it, but your sister has been getting a few calls from him while she's in college."

"Speaking of Maggie," Emmitt said, avoiding what his mother had just told him. "She's calling me now." He picked up his cellphone and put it on speaker. "Hey Maggie, you're on speaker. Mom's here."

"Hey Emmitt! Hey momma!" Maggie's voice says happily. "Emmitt!!!! How'd it go?"

"Good. Great, actually," Emmitt said, smiling. "Did you get your copy yet?"

"I did, and I've already started reading it. I absolutely love it so much. I'm so proud of you! That starting sentence is everything."

"I love and miss you Maggie. I hope college is treating you well," Emmitt said.

"It's difficult. But worth it in the end. Oh, hey, I gotta get going. Sorry I couldn't call longer. I'm going out with a few friends tonight."

"I hope you mean just a few friends," Mrs. Hendrix said, looking concerned in a jokingly way. 

"Don't worry mom, it's just Janiece and Raquelle. I'll be safe," Maggie said.

As she hung up, Emmitt pressed the red end call button. He put his phone back in his pocket and looked back up at his mom, who had her arms wrapped around each other. 

"Have you been talking to Ms. Shepard? How's Dante?" Emmitt asked.

"She's been doing well. Still always having her over for dinner. Her and Dante have been going on hikes and going on date nights. She's happier than ever. I'm proud of her."

Emmitt nodded. "I'm glad she's doing better."

Mrs. Hendrix reached in and gave Emmitt another hug, this time holding for a longer time. She leaned over and whispered, "I know it hurts. It always will. But we need to learn to push the pain aside and make happiness out of it. You are doing so good, love. And you have me. And Maggie. This whole room is filled with people who came just to see you. Can you believe that?"

Emmitt nodded. "I'll be okay. It's okay."

"Let's head to Amuse. I booked us a table on the patio for 8:30," Mrs. Hendrix said.

"Let's go," Emmitt said, grabbing his mothers hand and heading out the back doors.