How Do I Make You Feel

Improving

Daphne Shepard sat in her small car in the driver's seat, with her son Gavin in the passengers.

"Are you ready for today?" she asked Gavin.

"I guess," Gavin explained, staring out the car window.

"Well, are you feeling okay? You still want to do this?" Daphne asked him, looking over at him with worry. She was driving him to his fourth appointment with the psychiatrist.

"I mean, yeah. Sure. What do you want me to say?"

Daphne looked back at the road. "There's no need to be mad. Look. I'm sorry, Gav. That you have to do this. You could've been living a normal life with a normal family. And I do blame myself for this, you know?"

Gavin nodded. "It's how life works. It sucks but this is what I have now."

"And you don't deserve this. You don't deserve any of this and I understand if you never want to forgive me. I've done this to myself. I should've been a mother. Got a proper job. Paid for things and helped Stephen."

"Yeah."

There was a long amount of silence, as Daphne sat there, thinking. Gavin kept staring out the window.

"I'm glad you and Emmitt are friends now. I had a feeling you guys would catch on."

"Yeah, he's cool," Gavin nodded. "We talked a lot."

"It's just good to have a friend to talk to," Daphne smiled, turning the corner to where the psychiatrist's office was.

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"Pass the potatoes," Maggie said, grabbing for the bowl across the table. It was Saturday night at the Hendrixe's house, and the Shepards were over like always. Daphne had continued bringing Gavin over Saturdays and Tuesdays.

Emmitt sat across from Gavin, and he kept looking up at him.

"Please, would be nice," Isabelle Hendrix said to her daughter, looking straight at her and passing the bowl. "So, what should be the topic for tonight?"

Emmitt was talking to Gavin, mumbling words and laughing as Gavin nodded. Isabelle looked over and smiled. "Boys, have anything to talk about?"

Emmitt and Gavin both looked up. 

"Um, no. Nope," Emmitt answered.

There was awkward silence slowly falling over the dinner table. Luckily, it was broken fast.

"I got an A on my math test yesterday," Maggie said, smiling proudly ear to ear. "Isn't that so cool, Miss Shepard?"

"That is just incredible!" Miss. Shepard said, smiling at Maggie. "You must have studied hard."

"I did... but I'm also just really smart. I didn't even need to," Maggie bragged.

"Oh, Maggie, let's not get too cocky. School's gonna get harder for you as you get older," her mother said, putting a forkful into her mouth. "This whole table could tell you that."

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Emmitt sat in his room, his journal open, his curtains drawn so he could look out on the street below. The Shepards had left, and his parents were finishing cleaning up. He picked up his pen and started to scribble.

Tonight we had another dinner with the Shepards. It's been different these past couple weeks. I've felt less lonely and I've actually felt hopeful. Miss. Shepard's son Gavin is actually really cool. He's quiet, and sometimes he doesn't always react to things normally, but I don't find that all that odd. Compared to everyone else in this neighbourhood, he's actually a normal person. I showed him my secret hang out. I think he liked it. We also had a long talk. He suffers from this disorder called alexithymia, I think it was? And feeling emotion is different for him than for everyone else. He struggles with feeling anything. I don't really fully understand it but I'm trying to-