How Do I Make You Feel

Diagnosis

Gavin sat in a maroon leather chair, staring down at his shoes, squirmng his feet around. Ms. Shepard was talking outside of the room with a woman who had a grey sweater and jeans on. Gavin looked around the room. The window had blinds covering it, the light barely shining through. There was a counter in the back that had cupboards, all with seperate holes for keys to open up. A picture frame was hanging on the wall, a mixture of blue colours, in different spirals and strokes. Next to the door, there was metal holders nailed on to the wall, with pamphlets. 

Depression, Anxiety, Suicide, Bulimia. Bold words decorated the top of each book of paper. 

The door opened, and Gavin saw his mother smile, and wave as she walked away. The woman, who had thin glasses, held a clipboard filled with paper, and sat down in a chair across from Gavin. "Hello, young man. Gavin, is it?"

Gavin nodded, putting his hands together in his lap. 

"I hope you know your mom is incredibly proud that you decided to join me today. I also hope you know that I am also proud of you. It's very hard for most kids your age to come talk to me."

Gavin nodded again, taking it all in.

"So my name is Dr. Sanders, but you can call me Charlotte. Your mother told me that you recently moved away from your father's house to come live with her. Do you like living with her so far?"

Gavin slowly found the words. "Uh, yeah. Things are good. I think."

"That's good. Do you have a nice bedroom?"

"My mom wasn't really ready for me to come. So I sleep on a mattress in her old office."

Charlotte started to write something on her clip board. Gavin looked at her, and then looked at the clip board. Charlotte saw him staring worriedly, and she put up her hand. "Don't worry. This isn't anything bad. Just some notes. Carry on!"

"That's really all."

Charlotee nodded. "Alright. So, I wanted to talk today about your life before moving to your moms. I know that it happened recently. We are just going to take it slow and start at the beginning. If you ever feel uncomfortable and don't want to talk to me anymore, I completely understand and we can end the session. But I just want to hear what you have to say about what you've been through."

Gavin nodded, now looking back down to his shoes. Inside his head, he bounced back and forth, trying to find a place to start. "Um. I just need to think."

"Take your time."

Gavin took a deep breath. "Um, my mom and... um."

Charlotte looked up, her eyes prompting him to go on.

Gavin felt his head pounding, and he coudln't hear anything anymore. He could hear loud footsteps, coming closer to where he sat.

"Gavin?"

Gavin looked up at Charlotte, who was now holding up a paper cup of water. "Here, take a sip. Take a big breath. You don't need to think about people that you don't want to think of."

Gavin reached out and took the water. He wrapped his sweating hands around the cup and pulled it up towards his lips. The water fell into his mouth, and he swallowed. He lowered the cup and took another breath. "Um, my mom and dad broke up when I was only five. I don't really remember much about what happened. All I remember is that mom left our house in Chicago, and she didn't really say goodbye. I think I missed her back then. But my father.... but my dad... um, he bought me gifts and told me that everything was going to be okay. And I guess I believed him."

Charlotte nodded, still writing things on to her clipboard.

"Life was good, I think. For a while. I went to school and I did chores. I played video games with him. Him, my dad. He... he worked really hard at a mechanic shop. He would come home and make me dinner every night. Sometimes I would help him. It was really fun, I think. I think it was supposed to be fun."