HER - Narcissa Black Malfoy (wlw)

Knowing

What was once a bright Diagon Alley, flooded with sunlight, was now growing dull. It felt oddly symbolic. After saying an official, painful, goodbye to Narcissa, and wishing Draco well, Cahya finally decided to travel back.

Exhausted, she apparated to Spinner's End. Arriving into her room, she was pained with the exact situation she did not want to end the day with.

"For someone reading all day, you certainly didn't get very far." Severus was holding Cahya's book, stood in the far end of the room.

"And you entered my room, because?" She attempted to divert the brewing argument.

"I actually knocked. Several times. For a while." He set the book down, "it was something of considerably great importance, but that must now wait until I hear where you've been gallivanting all day." He was angry, and rightly so.

She didn't quite know how, but she couldn't tell him, so with a deep breath and a hand slightly raised, "listen, it's nothing you need to be concerned about-"

"May I remind you that until you are at Hogwarts you can consider yourself a walking target? My concern for you aside, recall the mass effects, and remember you're staying here; my home. You're not the only one at risk if you are followed." She knew all of these things. But she couldn't quite bring herself to explain where she was, or who she was with.

"Severus I understand you are upset, you have every right to be. However, I have not been followed, and I am back safe, there is no need to know-"

He pushed his hair from his eyes, "there is all the need to know when you are aware of how much is at risk. For the safety of yourself and others, I beg you to tell me." Cahya had walked past him, and headed downstairs, to which he followed.

"There is genuinely no need-"

"There absolutely is. All this conversation about practicing legilimency and your occlumency skills. To see if you can resist all forms- you're aware of your situation and your significance. Just be sensible."

"The only individual I saw that has relations to those like... us, I paid sensibly."

"You had to bribe someone?" His eyes became furious and astonished by her actions, "must you be so reckless?"

"I trust hi-"

"Trust nobody. Not at these times."

"I'm not going to tell you the wonderful tale of my whereabouts, Severus. Just trust me and please let it be. I apologise." She didn't quite know why she was getting so defensive, but it certainly didn't help her.

"At this point, why don't we just start the legilimency and occlumency tests early?" Cahya tilted her head in confusion of his words.

"What are you sa-"

"I'm sorry. Legilimens."

Cahya's neck tilted back, straining with the unexpected pain.

It all flashed, what was portrayed as a montage of Cahya's day, projected in both his and her mind. He saw Cahya surprising Narcissa, Cahya and Vincent- the bribe, the room, the gift, the wide smiles and laughs, all echoed in their minds. Then the kiss. Naturally, Cahya had Narcissa on her mind in a blind panic of what was currently happening, which only worsened the situation as every memory she was scared to share, became shared.

He saw it all.

If she wasn't taken so by surprise, she may have been able to avoid it, but eventually she managed to resist, and block Severus from his mind the second she remembered to do so.

The visions drained from both of their minds, and all Cahya could see was Severus' wide eyes. He didn't know what he expected, but that certainly wasn't it, even to the extent where he wasn't sure if he should believe it.

He spoke slowly and low, "is this some form of trickery?"

Cahya could hardly bring herself to answer, her eyes stinging from her own tears made it difficult to even look at him. Her chest rose and fell and a remarkable speed, almost gasping, unable to catch her own breath. After what felt like a lifetime of a wait, she had struggled out, "no. It's not." As much as she wished to lie, as nobody knew the extent of her control, she couldn't afford misinform one of the few people who knew of it.

Hearing the confirmation stunned Severus even more. Not once was he prepared to find out, visually, that Cahya was... involved with Lucius' wife. He eventually spoke up, "is this why Lucius..."

"He- no, he doesn't know." Cahya lowered herself into a chair, her emotional state effecting her physically. "Everything I have told you is true. This was just... absent information."

He sighed. He held closer loyalty to Cahya than Lucius, yet he still felt placed in a moral dilemma. "You- you can't tell him, Severus. Please. It's-"

"Cahya, I did not intend to speak with him at all considering the current situation. Although... He deserves to know." He didn't know the state and fragility of the marriage, so it may argued that he had a point.

"Severus you can't, Narcissa and-"

"I didn't say he should find out from me."

"Eventually. I swear by it. Just give us- just give me time. Trust me." He raised an eyebrow of concern. "Have I ever given you reason to not trust me?" He shook his head. "Has my brother ever given reason to not trust him?" He nodded. "Exactly. Trust me. Please."

"May we not speak of it again." He certainly wasn't pleased. He just wanted out of issues that he needed no, or could not have, involvement in.

Her breath and body had began to shake with nerves, as if she were in freezing water. Someone knew. She nodded her head frantically. Cahya used all of her strength to stand again, just to seek refuge in her room, but she was stopped with his voice again. Her head flicked frantically back to face him.

"However, I do have one question."

"Mhm?" She could look at him.

"Why her? Why Lucius' wife?" The mention of 'wife' pained her to hear, but she dismissed it. Her mouth opened, but hesitated.

"I wish I knew, Severus. Truly. I've avoided this for years, I cannot deny myself the truth much longer..." She trailed off.

His brow furrowed, not in frustration, but in considerate thought. He looked as though the feeling was familiar. "Very well. Goodnight, Cahya." Much to her surprise, he left for his room.

Feeling stranded downstairs, so she did what she did best. She sat by the fireplace yet again, as she had with Severus when she first arrived. She didn't pick up a book. She stared at the flames instead, taking in every sound, every flicker of light that she could. She could not fall asleep, nor was she tired, she remained in a trance, defeated, until she could think again.

It was the first time she had felt distress and truly wished for Narcissa's presence. Craved her presence, her comfort. Just one look into her eyes could rid you of a thousand burdens, pains, anything.

She thought of the necklaces. Perhaps it was the perfect time to test them.