Me inside

~3~

•Sparrow's point of view•

I look nervously up at the clock as I play with my gym uniform. I can feel peoples eyes on me but I ignore them. I'm too occupied by my own thoughts. All negative thoughts.

There's only three more minutes until lunch and I can practically feel my heart trying to jump it's away out my throat.
My brain keeps telling me to run into the bathroom and not come out for the next thirty minutes but I've already done that before. Plus eating in the bathroom is disgusting.

"Alright class. I'll see you tomorrow," The fitness coach says as he walks away from our class.

I stand up and walk as slowly as possible over to the girls locker room. I'm in no rush to get to lunch. I don't even know where I'm going to sit and I want to cry at the thought of sitting alone and eating by myself.

I've had so many bad lunch time experiences.
There was the time that I was eating lunch with my "friend" and her friends and she really pissed me off to the point where I was about to cry angry tears so I went to the bathroom because I don't like crying in front of people.
Maybe ten minutes later, she walked into the bathroom to check on me and her friends followed just so they could laugh at me.

Then there was lunch on my first day of school, back in seventh grade. We had to sit with our class and I didn't know anyone. Thankfully one girl decided to talk to me, so I guess that wasn't too bad, but those are very rare occasions when people actually decide to be friendly and welcoming towards me.

There was another time when they changed my lunch period for that day so I didn't have any friends to sit with. I quickly made friends with a girl in my math class and she invited me to have lunch with her. When she introduced me to her friends they just muttered hello or stared at me and then after I sat down they all left to sit somewhere else, leaving me alone.

Gosh, I really despise children and lunch.

I sling my bag over my shoulder and follow the crowd out into the large lunch room.
The tables are already packed and it's only been three minutes since lunch started. I can feel my heart rate speed up as I scan the crowd for someone I know.

My eyes land on the girl from first period who called me a weirdo. She smirks at me and proceeds to whisper something into one of her friends ears.
I roll my eyes and begin to walk towards the other side of the lunch room.

I can feel my brain shutting off and turning my defensive mode on. I sigh as I feel myself tense.

When I realize I don't have any friends or even acquaintances to sit next to my eyes travel over to the staircase that leads to the library.
I might as well have lunch where I was this morning.

I walk towards the staircase and wrap my fingers around the railing as I walk up the stairs.
I dig in my back pocket and pop my headphones in. If I'm going to spend lunch alone I might as well have some music to keep me company.

I push open the door to the library and walk through.

"Hi!" I hear someone say.

I look over and notice one of the librarians. She has grey hair and glasses sitting on top of her head.

"Good afternoon," I smile at her.

She grins back and gets out of her chair, walking over to me.

"Is there anything in particular you're looking for?" She asks me as she stands in front of me.

"I saw this book this morning. It was in the back aisle," I tell her as I point over to where I was this morning.

She nods.