One day I just want to see a message from you that just says.
" Stay"
And If you say so I will, maybe I won't even be able to leave. When we are at your house, cuddling and laughing, I am afraid that I will never be able to go. When I take the bus, I feel like I left something behind me. I feel alone and empty.
Two months... We won't see each other for two months. But I know for you, it doesn't matter. You can live a normal happy life without me.
I looked at you, you were saying goodbye. Didn't even come to the bus station to say it. For you it was an usual goodbye. My eyes were wet, I was looking at you thinking "please don't let me go." We couldn't even hug or kiss because there were the others. It felt a cold wind coming between us. Maybe you knew that if you have came to the bus station, I would never leave your side. Emile asked me
" So you're not staying with Thomas this time? "
"No"
I said coldly and harshly. I didn't realize that he knew that. But if I lied about it, it would have been more suspicious. Also for this morning, did he knew?
I remembered,
" I know it, but stop remembering me" I said while I was crying next to him, half naked on his bed.
Sometimes I want to yell it to everyone. What we do when we are together at your home. But I can't. We don't have a name for what we are.
" I had a dream today, you were in it too. We were living together and we wanted to visit the city. But I didn't have my bus ticket so I panicked." You told me once when we woke up next to each other. I wanted to ask you, was it really something you wanted? Was it your subconscious telling you that you love me? But I didn't say anything
" You always forget things " I said and laughed.
