I Come Like Rain

IT'S TOO LATE

   -In the shadows of my mind you seek       comfort but it's in my mind that you          destroy me -

***

"Are there any available flights this weekend?" My voice trembled

"There is one today at 7pm, would you like to switch them?" She answered with a calm voice, I don't know if she heard the way my voice was trembling but she did not mention it.

"Yes I do" it's a miracle she can hear me.

"Okay Miss I'll switch them right away" I could hear her typing something " Is their anything else I can help you with?" She asked.

"No thank you" I said more confidently this time.

"Okay, thank you for callin-" I cut the call before she could finish, I've heard it before where the fun in hearing her say more.

"Now I pack" I said to no one exactly, there is alot to be packed I need help. Before I could talk myself into not calling I picked up my phone the cracked screen glistened , it was 5:30 in the morning.

After I ran out of the club, I called an Ulendo even if it was expensive I just had to buses weren't going to be available that time in the night, I lived in Avondale at Mrs. Hamoya's house well they have flats in there yard but it's far from there main house, she said I could come and go however I wanted and this is one of them.

I can't believe what just happened, I mean I know I'm not as pretty as Tracy or Natasha or even Lucy but what did I do to deserve this? Well I'm just happy it didn't go too far because God knows how everything would have been.

Getting into the one bedroom house, it's all that flashy and Mrs. Hamoya says it's like no one lives here, I walked right into my living room I had no tv but a book shelf big enough to fill one corner close to the window to my left of the door, in the center is a fluffy white carpet with a coffee table on it with roses I picked from the garden outside.
There is a love seat and a single one , when you walk farther into the house to my left is the kitchen there really isn't much apart from a table in the center a stove and a single door fridge, a counter the runs from the sink to the stove . My floors in the whole house is white, I walked to my room and across it is the bathroom and toilet . Walking into my room I fall face first into the covers and let out a silent scream kicking my feet and arm a full on for if you ask me, sitting up and pushing my hair out of my face I get to packing I want to get everything done before 5 pm and leave this country and never look back, start afresh, anew and I hope this is going to be different.

I have always been quiet and always kept to myself, even when I was pushed, picked on nothing set me off always just kept my head down because what would I do fight back only to be put in my place, useless, worthless just not worth fighting for. Why would I when all I have is myself, I would rather scream in the dark than in the light, the shadows are my family and the light is my enemy nothing good comes out of hoping.

I hoped for friendship only to be made an outcast, I hoped for family only to be left alone with Nuns who would abuse me saying they are shaping me to be a better person, I hoped for love in anyone Human being only to be given hatred, disgusted looks like I slept in shit for a month. I gave up hoping, I gave up believing their is light at the end of the dark hall and I did good I was content with what I had, with who I was and that kept me from losing myself in my depression.

When I met Mrs. Hamoya, I thought it was all a lie , I thought she was going to help me only to throw me back but she didn't do that, she held me when I thought everyone found me repulsive but she was there for me when no one else was and I'm really greatfull for her and for what she's done for me.