Save Myself // Larry Stylinson

Chapter 25

Chapter 25: XXV

Notes:

I quite honestly didn't think I'd have a chapter for you this week. That was until I finally sat down like two hours ago and just went into some crazy writing frenzy.

Trigger warning for non-consent. I don't write any of the graphic parts... so.

Enjoy! Comment! Let me know what you think! 2 more chapters! AHHHH.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

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It was loud and crowded and music was pumping from speakers that were far too powerful for the tiny basement. Louis was standing next to Matt and taking in the whole scene before him. He felt like an alien. He couldn't even remember how many times he'd been in the basement of that same dodgy pub in the past, but this time it felt wrong. This time he didn't belong and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, because he didn't belong in the light either. He didn't belong where things were good. Where things were soft pink lips that were full of encouragement and soft promises and sweet kisses.

He didn't really belong anywhere, and for the first time in a while he started to question if he'd missed his mark. If, when he'd tried to end it all, the universe had counted him out. Maybe he didn't have a place anymore because he wasn't supposed to have survived. He wasn't supposed to be there.

Matt sauntered off to talk to someone at the back of the bar, but Louis was frozen in the place he was in, watching the scene that played out around him. There was a girl on a makeshift stage, dancing without most of her clothes and men pawing at her like she was nothing more than a display piece. Across the scattered tables he saw remnants of thin white lines. There was a girl at one of the tables laughing loudly while blood dripped from her nose. In the back corner were a couple of junkies, curled up on the floor, barely coherent, track marks all over their arms.

There had been many times in his life where Louis had been quite certain that these were his people. He had been so sure that he was nothing more than them. They were a collection of broken people with brutal pasts who sought out solace in the worst imaginable ways, but they'd been broken in the same ways as him. Sure, they hadn't made the right decisions, hadn't actually faced any of their demons, but Louis understood it. He understood the desire to let go when it felt like control was a foreign concept. They didn't ask questions and while sometimes that was the loneliest feeling in the world, sometime Louis found comfort in it because he didn't matter. He didn't matter anymore than they did and if he didn't matter, he wasn't letting anyone down.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there, trying to remember the ways he'd once fit in before he felt Matt's hand on his elbow.

"There's someone I want you to meet," Matt said calmly, leading Louis by his elbow to the back of the bar, "I need stuff," he added as they made their way to the back of the room.

Louis knew what that meant. 'Stuff' was drugs. He wasn't an idiot. Matt wanted Louis to get him high and really, was that so much of a surprise? This was how things went. This was their dynamic and maybe Louis didn't care. Maybe this was still better than actually facing things. He wasn't sure, but there was a good possibility that this was always going to be the easier route. This was the one he knew how to follow and Matt would lead the way. It would be simple to fall back into it. They'd spend years at it.

In the back corner on the bar stood a tall man with caramel skin and a thick black beard. His amber eyes looked disinterested in almost everything, but his lips pulled back into a smile when he saw Louis. Something bad dripped into his stomach.

So. That's where this was going.

"This must be Louis," purred the man.

Matt's hand tightened on his elbow and he forced Louis closer. Obediently, Louis nodded. The man's smile grew, but his eyes still held disinterest.