✨𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚✨ (Hwabyul)

»chapter 12. The promise«

Moonbyul sat, she didn't knew what to do so many things were going through her mind  she didn't knew if she would cry or be happy i mean, it was a big gesture but what if Hwasa breaks her heart, it was true that it was already broken but what if... There she was overthinking about everything and nothing. She was supposed to be happy, its something nice but all her thoughts would come to her mind, she was too tired to shake them out... so she just sat and started to cry... as if the world was on her feet, as if her happiness was gone, she started reminding herself that she wasn't enough, that she was too tired to even smile... Every thought, every memory would steal her happiness, "why do i have to be like this?!" she wondered with tears falling from her sad,puffy eyes," why do i have to ruin everything for me?"  she blamed herself for feeling this way, somehow she couldn't reach happiness anymore it was far far away from her, she felt desperate, she felt like falling from a cliff and now her heart was about to break in a million pieces, her mind would try to sabotage Byul, her body felt really heavy, " im so tired" she thought, tired of crying, tired of trying to fight that monster always present on her mind, tired of waiting for happiness, tired of running.

She felt like running way to another different world , and that thought of killing herself was always present on her mind, always so fresh in her thoughts... she imagined a how heaven would be were peace was present, her body would feel so peaceful, her mind would be in another dimension. Moonbyul couldn't quite figure out why heaven felt so warm for her but she knew that she would be free there, she didn't had to fight, she didn't had to take with stuff she couldn't handle, that was her happy place and every time, she imagined how would it be in heaven her heart would feel light with a bit of relief and somehow that imaginable place would comfort her, her responsibilities would shake that thought of how heaven would be like, she had Hwasa she couldn't leave and sometimes she would be happy for a brief moment...and those things would stop her from thinking about killing herself. There she was crying wondering where to go and where to escape, her mean thoughts would get louder and louder, the tears couldn't stop falling from her cheeks 

- Moonbyul...- said Hwasa with a tone of sadness, her heart was beating fast and the only reaction she had was to hold Moonbyul. 

The way Hwasa always knew how to comfort her and get her out of that horrible place, somehow now comforting, it made Moon cry more and more because she knew she didn't deserved to be loved that way, "im sorry Hwasa" was the only thing she could think of, she blamed herself for ruining the moment, for feeling like this. Her body relaxed and she just let herself go as if she suddenly went to a different world were Hwasa was present and that was enough to make Moonbyul feel good, its true that her thoughts were still there but she didn't wanted to fight against them anymore, she was too tired to do it. " let yourself go", she closed her eyes and gave Hwasa a neck kiss, of course she would never thank Hwasa directly because she knew she couldn't. Hyejins trembled and her heart was beating more fast than ever, she pulled away Moon and gave her the biggest kiss she could which was a "im here for you and im not going anywhere, i promise", two dorks completely in love with each other, the way Moonbyul felt sometimes was something Hyejin couldn't predict and if she could she would take those mean thoughts away, so she tried her best. They looked at each other, and just by looking at each other you could feel the love between them, you could feel the chemistry that they had and it was magic, all of the sudden Hwasa grabs Moonbyul and giver her a lots of kisses all over her face.

- i love you, please stay here with me- begged Hyejin while holding Moonbyul's hand - i cant do this without you, i just cant..- Hyejins word were powerful to Byul, she wondered how could Hwasa read her mind or her facial expressions....she felt guilty from even having the option of leaving this world on her mind, she almost cried after seeing Hwasa begging for her to stay, Moonbyul knew that she couldn't leave this world but she wanted to, even for a brief moment, she wanted to feel heavens air going through her face and her hair, she wanted to explore that place and be truly happy for a few moments, she didn't wanted to leave forever because she didn't wanted to leave the same pain she has, on Hwasa. 

- i promise i wont leave you Hyejin....- Moonbyul realised that she was promising something bigger than her, she could no longer leave, that somehow lead to a feeling of guilt and also of  assurance, they hugged so tight they could feel each others heart, and that is what Moonbyul called "madly in love"  because she promised something it would cost her to do but she was so madly in love that she didn't hesitate to promise.

                                                                              "i promise...."

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»»»»»»»»»Sofia (author note) - sometimes depression can be a roller coster of emotions and this chapter was created to show that you can be really happy and in the next moment really sad because your overwhelmed or because you have intrusive thoughts and your too tired to fight against them. In this particular case Moonbyul was really happy and all of the sudden she felt her thoughts going after her so she felt like falling apart. Hope you enjoyed reading and thank you so much if u read this far! If you can relate even just a bit, comment or something, and share your way of dealing with mean thoughts.««««««««««««