|| Hitherto || [completed]

4.They Barely Know Me

This chapter is almost devoid of any conversation except the one between you all and Diana. This is the chapter where you learn who Diana Hayden is. ~Dedicated to maryltabor because she is a true inspiration.Song of the Chapter - This Summer's Gonna Hurt like a Motherf*cker by Maroon 5.~

Diana Hayden

I can barely hear Matt asking me what happened as the phone slips down my fingers.

Is this really happening? 

I stand there frozen. Wide-eyed and unable to move. Breathe; I have to remind myself to breathe.

What I see ahead is nothing I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. There, across the street behind a black SUV stand two people. 

The man in a navy blue suit is my Dad, Ryan Hayden and there's a blonde woman in a skimpy black dress. I don't recognize her, but I surely want to strangle her and  torcher her to death right now. I can see dad clearly in the dim yellow glow of the streetlight.

They are all over each other, shoving their tongues down their throats. They are actually making out on the road side. The woman pulls away first after sloppily kissing my dad on the cheek. She gets into to the car and vanishes into the darkness. The street is empty just like my mind. Dad waves at the car even after it is not visible anymore, he trips and falls, stumbling his way into our house.

He is drunk. Shit drunk.

What the hell?

What in the actual fucking hell?

My dad never got drunk. Not to the point where he cannot make out the difference between my mom and some other woman.

I feel the bile rising up in my throat and make a mad sprint towards the bathroom just in time to empty all the contents of my dinner. Gross. Thousand hammers are pounding inside my head and I am chanting for God to help me. 

"Arrrghhhhhhhhh," I scream, grasping my head firmly, I stand there leaning over the basin. Reaching for the faucet with one hand, I pour some water droplets over my head till it helps regulate the pounding and my breath rate. 

I wash my face thrice and gape at my reflection. The person staring back at me is, well, not me. She is white, not a single dash of color. She is pale, death-pale like my frail version.

I plod back into my bedroom towards the window, supporting myself by the wall and collapse.

The floor is cold and my knees have given up. Numb and weak. Just like me. I feel similar to how a person feels when someone just shoved them against the wall and punched them continuously until they were unable to breathe. 

My lungs ache so I bring my knees closer to myself and place my head on them. I stare at the wall, wide-eyed and breathless. For how long? I don't know.

The wall is pale yellow and it has an illustration of three birds, two of them are sitting together on the string and the third one is alone. This painting has been in my room since forever, but right now it feels like it's mocking me. I am still not able to cry, I am caged, and the tears are caged refusing to be shed. I take few difficult deep breathes, close my eyes and lean my head back on the window.

Till today, what kept me going was the carefully painted picture of my parents being madly in love with each other. They were never there for me, not even on the day I graduated from high school or when I wanted to share my happiness over getting accepted at NYU, but they have always been there for each other. A small half-hearted chuckle escapes my lips as I muse over the fact that - they barely know me.

Sometimes it seems like they forget that they have a daughter and she actually exists.

Right now, all this is preposterous because it does not make sense. 

I feel nothing, but at the same time there are thousands of emotions running through me and then I feel numb. Questions dominate my thoughts. Why will Dad do this to mom? Why will he betray her like this? Since when is this happening? Does mom know?

The last few fragments of time stole the only precious hope I was holding onto. The hope that no matter what, as flawed as my family might be, it will never break. Fate does not agree with me on this I guess. I just caught my dad cheating on my mom and I have this feeling that things are going to change, drastically.

My imperfect family is going to go break and all that will remain is a shell of what we put up with.

*****

The lights are on and it's 4 am. I cannot sleep. Not that I want to. The cold floor replicates my emotional state: Cold. That is what everything ends up like too.

I get up from the floor and stagger towards my bed. Curling up, I hold my pillow firmly to my chest. It feels like a shield, keeping away the emptiness of the room. Creating an illusion of a protective barrier against the pain. 

I need to talk to her. I cannot call anyone else but her. I have 9 miss calls from Matt, but I can't talk to him. She picks up at the third ring.

"Sapphire," I breathe. The relief to know that someone is there for you is indescribable and overwhelming. I can feel the ball rising up in my throat.

"Ana? Are you okay? What's wrong? What happened?  Are you all right?" she bombards me with questions and I am about to lose my control with the walls crumbling down. Amongst all this whirlpool of my life being a joke, I feel guilty for waking up Sapphire even when I know she doesn't care.

" Saph.. Sapphire.. He-," I breakdown. From sobbing and hysterical to crying to dry heaving. All the emotions are pouring out like a waterfall. I know Sapphire is still there on the other side, but I don't seem to stop. I am balling my eyes out like there's no tomorrow. 

"Sorry," I manage to say in between the sobs after calming down a bit.

"Don't apologize. I am there Ana, I am right here for you. You know you can tell me. Did Matt do anything? I swear I will chop his balls off-"

"Its Dad. He is cheating on my mom", I choke out in one breath, wow.

No reply.

"Sapphire?" I ask.

"I am coming to get you, pack your bag and be ready in twenty, Kay? Sneak out and meet me on the sidewalk, I'll pick you up from there," she speaks so fast. All that I hear is "sneak out" and "I'll pick you up."

"Okay," I reply. I don't have any energy to protest and I'll prefer being with Sapphire than this unknown and right now a mansion full of lies, the place I call my home.

__________________EndOfChapter4.TheyBarelyKnowMe________________

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