Zameer: No Man's Land

3.

I was called downstairs to talk to Maaji and normalise her kinda, for she wasn't in hands of anybody. Baba was really worried for her and she won't even let him stand around her.
I rushed to the Aangan(courtyard) and went to her with stealthy steps. She didn't notice me. She wasn't noticing anything. Her vision was fixed. The ritual of WIDOWing was yet to be done but she had already done it. There were no bangles on her hands or vermillion on her head. Her hair wide open and eyes red.
She didn't cry, at least none of us saw her crying, but her eyes were always pooled up and red, never spilling though.

I sat beside her and kept staring at her like she was staring the study room, the only difference was of intensity.
Her face, her state....it all reminded me of a two line verse from a song or something baaji used to sing quite often.

Bal bikhre hue, aankhen bheegi hui
Aise aaye hain wo rukhsati ke liye
Aye khuda unke aansu zara poch du, baksh de zindagi do ghadi ke liye.

{Hair sprawled and wet eyes, that's how she has arrived to adieu me,
Oh god, give me do seconds of life to wipe her tears.}

I don't who wrote it, I don't know who sang it but I knew baaji sang it for her and always for her. My eyes couldn't hold the pool and started spilling, my eyes were never taught to hold but maaji's were. She was holding probably because she wasn't ready to let go. Something in my mind turned and I started humming the song.
There was sheer silence in the hall, everybody in the house, Ravi chacha, chandra chacha, Beena chachi, Rakhi chachi, crying Viren and Neetu and our little Suraj who was trying to figure out what was happening. I heard my mother wail when I was singing and then I heard her gag for she must have stuffed her wailing mouth with her pallu.

Aye khuda unke aansu zara poch du...I reached the line and she turned towards me with rage. My lips quivered and stopped automatically. Words ceased in throat and eyes transfixed at her only for I thought now that it wasn't a good plan to provoke her by singing a song sung by him. Her tears finally rolled down and clutched her eyes shut for a second and then back at me with her rageous staring.

"Where is he?" She said in her calm voice and barbed tone. I kept looking at her not doing or moving an inch.
She inhaled sharply. I had never seen her like this, extreme level of Maaji's anger was shown to my father only and that would be, telling him to be away from her. She never really got angry on anyone else, she always said her name was SNEH and she was to spread SNEH(love) in the world. I could see the love lost in her eyes now, and that was obvious, as she actually lost the love of her eyes.

"Where is he???" She yelled suddenly passing me a sudden current and making me stutter immediately. I gasped and exhaling silently calmed myself down aftershock. She rose up with the help of the pillar she was leant on. I kept nodding my head and wiping my continuously crying face for I did the biggest mistake and didn't think about it. I wasn't getting up but she suddenly leant down and holding my hand gave me raise kind of to get up. I was scared my pants off.
I got haphazardly wiping my cheeks with the back palm of my free hand.
There was a wave of anguish in her entire body that I could feel her veins pulsating with it.

"Maaji...I..."

"Do ghadi zindagi mang ke mere aansu pochne aayenge? Yhi keh rhi ho na tum....kahan hai fir, batao!" {"He will come after pleading for two seconds of life to wipe my tears....that's what you are saying right?, Where is he then, tell me?!"}