The Fine Print✔️

Chapter 19

As I watch Zhan leave, I wonder why his heart was beating like the heavenly drums.

Even his heartbeat is beautiful. How is that possible!? 

Soon, Zhan returns with a small cup and bandages. He wipes the blood off the small but deep wound on my ankle and applies medicine on it.

After dressing the wound, he sighs, "Do you... are you... " He shakes his head, "Did you really think I was going to hit you?"

I feel my cheeks heat up, "No, of course not. Why would you- You are kind. I know you would never- " I sputter. "I just got startled and slipped." I leave it at that, not wanting to embarrass myself further.

"Oh. Is that so." He clears his throat, "Be careful next time." He advises dryly and stands.

No, I can't let him leave like this!

"Zhan ge, can you stay, please?" I request wanting to talk and clear the air. After all, Weredra had warned me not to return without explaining things to Zhan.

"Of course, " He nods and clears his throat again, "I was inconsiderate just now." He adds, helping me to the bath again, "You must still be feeling under the weather. I will help you bathe."

What!? Hell No! What if- I get excited!? 

"Zhan ge... "

"Don't worry. I will be gentle."

 Damn it, Zhan, stop saying things like this. If you continue saying things like these, I will lose the last ounce of decency I am clinging to right now. After three whole weeks of mostly pure, innocent thoughts, my body betrays me again.

Damn it! 

No, there was no way this was a good idea!

"Zhan ge, it's alright, I can do it myself. You must be tired."

Zhan's face falls before a determined look replaces it; he meets my eyes, "YiJun, do you remember what happened last night?"

I had not expected Zhan to get straight to that, so I was not at all prepared to answer him. I look up at him and find him looking at me with something akin to apprehension on his face. If I am honest with myself, I have some too. For one, though I was a woman not too long ago, I was a man now. And I was not sure if I would continue to be a man in the days to come or revert to being a woman. Second, I was leading a double life. During the day, I was YiJun: someone Zhan spent his days with; a friend and confidant. During the night, I was a masked vigilante. Zhan was unaware of it. 

Lastly, over the past weeks, I had seen Zhan work alongside me. And I had become acquainted with another side of him: he was compassionate, helpful, and gentle with everyone around him. In short, he was perfection. If anything, I had fallen even more deeply in love with him than I thought possible. 

Cursing myself once more for being so reckless, I take his hand in mine. His brows knit when I pat his hand, "Zhan ge, I don't know what I did last night. But Weredra told me that I was- shameless. She told me that I offended you." I squeeze his hand, "I am truly sorry. Whatever I did, it was- I was not myself."

What he does next surprises me. "I accept your apology." He says emotionlessly, and without looking at me, he stands up again.

Fearing that I had hurt him with my words, I grab hold of his wrist, "Won't you help me bathe?"

Fuck! That is not want I wanted to say! 

"Oh." Zhan ge stops dead in his tracks and turns, "I am sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." He tries to smile. It looks forced.