Drarry Oneshots

let me say goodbye

TRIGGER WARNING!!⚠️
Mentions of suicide and self-harm!

This take place in sum random bathroom incase u need to visualize 🦗🦗🦗 this is depressi

Draco has never felt this way before. He has never felt so incapable of breathing and feeling until now.

Every time he tries to pull himself out of the heavy pit of despair he falls back.

Everytime he finds something that brings him pleasure and meaning. It fades.

The things that used to make him happy, always tend to disappear. They dont have the same feeling they once did. Theyre all empty.

He hates thinking about hurting himself. He has done it before, long ago when he was young. He regrets that time.

After he did it and matured he would look back and laugh. How could he have done that? Pathetic.

But now suddenly, he feels the urge to scratch his skin off, to punch a wall until his fists bleed or to pour the boiling coffee he drinks every morning over himself and watch it burn his skin.

He won't thought. He would never.

He doesn't even have the right to feel what he is feeling. Everyone has it so much worse. Everyone else has suffered to much more and here he is wallowing in self pity.

Why cant he win?

Why can't he ever tell anyone either? He has tried but they always say the wrong thing. Always vacant words, always so distant.

Or maybe hes just complicated and needy.

He cant take it anymore.

One more day, one more night of this and he will let himself breath water instead of air.

He cant do it. Its like a silly game the gods are playing. They tease him. Trick him into loving things and then ripping them away.

But he doesn't even deserve them.

Shut up shut up shut up shut up!

He used to be motivated to do things. To study and learn. To live. Now all he sees is another reality where everything is different.

He always needs an escape. Usually he lets himself fall into the world of music and books. He isnt present when that happens.

But he can't even focus anymore. Theres no pleasure in being consumed by another reality. Another story. Another song. Another book.

All he does is sit and stare at the wall in his room, wondering and pleading the gods to just swallow him whole.

Feast on his flesh and drink his blood anything but another day of this!

He can't leave. How could he? If he lets go he is selfish. How could he abandon the people that love him? How could he think such selfish things?

"SHUT UP!" He screamed and the room shook in his head.

No one was there to hear it except for him.

No one. No one. No one. Hes all alone with his thoughts. Theres no way of escaping.

Merlin help me please.

His sobs where the only audible sound in the bathroom.

He could no longer feel yet he felt everything and more than he ever has.

He was tempted to do things he once loathed. He was tempted to reach for that bottle of fire whiskey, to let that smoke fill his lungs, to party till his mind falls numb.

But he can't. He knows he shouldn't because if he does he will lose. He will let it win.

The words he wishes to tell others are always at the tip of his tongue. On the verge of slipping out and letting them know he is long gone and needs help.

Why doesn't he tell them anymore? What is stopping him?

Is it the fear of failure? To show weakness or not be understood?

Why are the words stuck on his tongue why cant they just spill out?

Merlin, he wishes he would know.

Maybe he is waiting for someone.

For a lover assigned from the stars to kiss his lips until his problems fade away.

A lover to hold his hands as their bodies fall numb. The lingering touch of the other one.

Eyes staring at each other in deep night, so pretty, even the stars cant help but sigh at the sight.

But love is only in books.

Love, true love like what he wishes for doesn't exist.

He knows no one will ever save him. He knows that he is waiting for a ghost.

But god his phantom lover seems to always just hover there and whisper that they will come. Just one more night.

But night after night and Draco still stays alone in his bed waiting for no one.

"Please! Merlin please take me away!" He sobbed, his voice raw and cracked.

But who to? No one is there to hear his wails.

He is alone.

No one will come to save him.

This is not a story to read before bed and dream of lovers and fresh coffee on early summer mornings.

This is real. He is real.

So real that he knows no one will walk through the bathroom door and see him torn. No one to comfort his cries and hug him till he falls asleep.

No one even knows where he is.

"let me go." He whispers with chapped lips and vacant eyes.

And he wishes he could just say goodbye.