Metamorphosis- Growing up with Turner Syndrome

10. Infantilization of adolescents- Reasons and effects

I have touched on the problem of infantilization more than once already, and yet I feel like it deserves its own chapter. I hope that at the end of this text, you, too, will see why this problem might for us with TS indeed be a major one that needs to be addressed.

If you are small, but tall enough for just about everything in your normal day to day life, you are often unaware of how small you really are, that is in a nutshell what I already wrote in chapter four. After all, you rarely look into a mirror standing next to an average- sized person. So if I met a person who is as tall, as I am, I might be guilty of exactly the same thing everybody else keeps doing to me. You can bet, that the first thought crossing my mind would also be "Why is she that small?". A curious stare might also follow. (And in my case, a long list of differential diagnoses for growth retardation would start running in the back of my head, because my curiousity has in this case got some rudimentary medical knowledge to satisfy it. I would probably look at proportions and facies, look for moles and cubitus valgus, look at the neck and the ears. God how I would hate myself, if the roles were reversed). I remember as if it was yesterday the first time I met an adult man who was not too much taller than I was- and who would be my Maths teacher in ninth and tenth grade. At the time, I was fifteen, and although I of course knew more about living with short statue than most other teens possibly can, I am afraid I did nevertheless stare at him for more than just a second, not quite able to wrap my head around the fact, that a man this short would choose to become a teacher of all things, basically volunteering to deal with constant stares and teasing from out- of- control teenagers going through puberty. (To clarify two points: Firstly, when thinking about genetic conditions that cause short statue, e.g. Achondroplasia, which is the most common, my Maths teacher was in fact quite tall for many of them- so "short" is highly relative. And, secondly, yes, I was even more surprised when I later found out how frequently women with TS in fact go into teaching. For me, teaching does not remotely play to my strength, and I would not in a thousand years think about pursuing it as a career). I obviously never made fun of my former Math teacher or disrespected him in any way, because that kind of bullying is something you consciously choose to do. Still, the same sadly cannot be said about many of the younger students, so that teacher must have had quite a difficult time dealing with some particularly badly behaved classes, although he possesses all the charisma, competence and teaching abilities you could possibly ask for. More than likely, the only reason for his struggles were his height and unusual proportions. On the other hand, I without wanting to defend that kind of behaviour, acknowledge, how much of the well- known initial staring- and- then- quickly- looking- away- response to anyone who at first glance might look different from a typical person in any way is subconscious and simply human. The first and worst thing a typical person could be doing however is subconsciously assuming, that a given short person has the mental capacity of a child their height. This can indeed be a major problem for us in certain circumstances, but is in my experience easily overcome if one takes the time to have a longer conversation with each other. Still, many people might somehow in their heads think about a short person as a child. For example, they might  talk about a small person being "cute" instead of, say, "attractive". And, believe me, just that one word can have a huge impact on you emotionally, if you hear it being repeated over and over again, until you are sick of being the "cute" girl. All you want is to be seen and respected as a grown- up, and the fact, that earning this respect from others constantly seems ten times more difficult for you, than for anybody else, can cause many a tearful, sleepless night. Furthermore, it might even cause an overwhelming feeling of senselessness, as if you were completely empty of any emotion and nothing you do could possibly change anything- a feeling, that, if it persists, would be a major sign of a clinical depression. For people who might be even shorter, than we with TS typically are (again, think for instance about Achondroplasia and Tyrion Lannister), a dark and twisted sense of humour seems to be the most effective way to defend themselves in social situations and get taken seriously- and at the same time, to cope with all the additional challenges life throws at them.