Metamorphosis- Growing up with Turner Syndrome

4.Growing taller/ Growing up- Growth hormone and emotional immaturity

In German, one child will often say to another: "Ich bin größer, als du.", which can in this context really be translated into English as both "I am taller than you" and "I am older than you." Usually, it will make the taller child feel just a little bit superior to the shorter one. Similarly, "Ich bin schon groß", "I am already tall", will be used as the equivalent of "I am all grown up already", and most commonly, one will use the term "deine große Schwester", literally translated as "your taller sister", but normally referring to the elder sister. This last phrase in particular can get really annoying and confusing, if the elder sister, as in my case, is so much shorter, than the younger one, that most persons, who only just got to know them both, are quite certain, that she is in fact the younger one. Quite often, they do not feel it would be necessary to even ask who is older. As a consequence, whenever they talk about the "große Schwester", it might not even always be clear, which of the sisters they mean. It would not sound weird for a German at all to use "ältere Schwester", litterally translating to "elder sister", instead, but it would just be far less frequently used, than "große Schwester"-maybe simply, because it is one syllable longer.  (Besides, they would still not care to ask, which of us actually is the elder sister, so that would still lead to some confusion). If one is not particularly careful to avoid that phrase, as a German, one just automatically uses it, especially, when talking about children. Children always seem to assume the older one of them has to be the taller one, too. Even, if they are born just one month apart from each other, they might ask "You are older, than me, so why are you shorter? That is strange ". Some old aunt will surely come on a visit over christmas and say: "Your sister has grown so much, since we last saw her, wow", or "You look so cute". The most disgusting relatives and friends of the familiy will even pat you on the top of your head, for as long, as you are shorter, than them, regardless of your age.

 So I do not assume, that short children in GB or the USA have an easier childhood than the ones in Germany, just, because in everyday English, you will probably always differentiate between being "taller", or being "older". What I wanted to point out was the association of height with age/ maturity, and, if you take this idea one step further, social standing/ power seeded deep within the human mind. Being shorter, than most other people, is probably the only symptom (almost) every single individual with Turner Syndrome experiences. Emotional immaturity (somehow related to NVLD, Non Verbal Learning Disorder), is frequently described as a symptom effecting many girls with TS, aswell- which is another aspect of "being grown up". And this is, were I would like to start- with a hopelessly complicated mix of cognitive differences, emotional struggles and vicious circles.

Often, NVLD may seem, as just a random phrase put on the common mental specifics, that are often related to TS, in order to somehow describe them. One lacking a real understanding of the condition and the causes of it. What I mean is: if you have TS, it is not as simple, as "I was born with NVLD, and, because of it, I have poor coordination, am inheritly unable to do Maths, socially  awkward, and emotionally immature." Many girls with TS might be a bit socially awkward, a bit naive at times, but not necessarily more so, than some completely healthy individuals. If your verbal skills are great, significantly better, than your mathematic skills and visual- spatial perception, which are nevertheless average (or even above average) for a typical person- do you have a "disorder"? The same holds truth for so many healthy people! Even, if our brains are wired slightly differently from "normal"/ typical brains as a result of our genetics, though, which sounds, at least to me, entirely plausible, there are still environmental factors causing or contributing to  emotional immaturity/ NVLD. One of them is the whole problem of  gender identity and infertility- which will be discussed in detail in another chapter. I once heard, that other women experiencing infertility (who are completely healthy!) might have similar levels of social anxiety compared to those with TS, especially concerning entering relationships, but I cannot be sure about whether or not this is true. Now, being short and its effects on socialisation most certainly do contribute to emotional immaturity, too. How you are treated in social situations depends on how you look, how you behave in social situations depends on how you have been treated in past social situations. This can in the wrong circumstances lead into a viscious circle. If you are treated like a child, cannot do anything about it and feel devastatingly helpless, you behave like a child and throw tantrums. I know, it seems to be a not at all sensible reaction and reinforce the point of the one who accused you of being childish in the first place- nevertheless, I assure you, that sometimes you just cannot help it. It might not even be a conscious decision you make, but nothing more than "pain demanding to be felt". Believe me, it is so easy to get stuck in childish patterns of behaviour. Imagine somebody laughing about some small thing you do, even laughing in a friendly way. After enduring for years on end everybody treating you as younger than you really are, everybody letting you feel and telling you outright how naive and socially inept you are, you might only need that one little reminder of the fact, that the whole world constantly seems to be making fun of you, to have had enough. You might feel like a total freak, as if how others judge you was entirely out of your control. Others might not get how you are struggling, although they are trying, you might even feel silly for struggling yourself. It is so hard in this case to keep any amount of self- respect. Moreover, if everyone feels the need to protect you from the outside world and help you with every little thing- you consequently become incapable of doing anything by yourself, you become (emotionally) dependent on others. And there is one final, very biological factor to emotional maturety- hormones and going through puberty. Going though puberty later than everybody else, and a little differently from everybody else is not just about infertility, even apart from that, it can most certainly affect social interactions and especially romantic relationships. All of these factors and behaviours can in my opinion add up to "emotional immaturity".