Us Against the World

What If..?

Tommy's fingers reach to touch Toby's neck and feel for a pulse, being met with stillness. Tommy releases a shaky breath as realization settles, and his body begins to shake. What have I done? Panic almost sets in when he stands- body acting on its own- and grabs ahold of Toby's ankles.

Questions and subtle hysteria flow through Tommy's mind as he drags Toby along the forest floor. Tommy looks away from him as he moves, and makes his way up the side of the mountain that overlooked a majority of the forest.

By the time he's at the top, his legs ache more than they had any day after training. It's not like he was constantly dragging around dead people though. He overlooks the cliff and drops Toby's ankles as his body was at the edge. Tommy's lip quivers as he pushes him over the edge, and waits for the sound of impact.

CRACK

He cringes at the noise and chokes back a sob, trying his best not to imagine Toby's body in its new anguish. He struggles to rise and runs back down the mountain, tears once again leaving streaks on his face. He finds himself wandering the forest, and eventually ends up back home; his brother and father stood talking by the door. He quickly wipes the tears and adjusts accordingly, making sure not to raise suspicion.

"Oh hey Tommy," Phil greets.

Tommy nods and slightly smiles in response walking in the house without a word. He drags his feet to his room, upholding his front the whole way in case he encounters his other brother, and only lets himself fall again once his back is met with the inside of his door. Don't cry now. He holds in his breath and tears, not wanting to be seen crying for apparently no reason.

After a few moments of fighting emotion, he crawls to his bed and wraps himself with the covers, hoping he could sleep for eternity.

---

"I know... but Tommy.......won't- no"

Tommy wakes to a dark room and muffled voices on the other side of his door. He rises, still groggy from sleep's hold and opens his door. Phil and Technoblade turn to see him, their faces showing clear distress.

"Hey, what's up guys?"

"Tommy..."

"Toby's- I found him in the forest Tommy," Technoblade says.

"Did he fall asleep again?"

"...You could say that..."

Phil shoots a stabbing look at Techno as he confesses their finding. Tommy's glazed eyes widen as the words sink in. You didn't know, Tommy. Tears spill without noise. So many tears, the ones he had held in along with new tears.

In a sudden series of movements, Tommy grabs his shoes, runs out the door, and doesn't look back. He runs through the forest struggling to direct himself, until he looks up and spots the cliff. He runs- toppling over, chest heaving, eyes crazed- determined to reach the top. The moment he reaches the top, he feels time itself freeze. His mind numbs and crawls to one thought.

What if..?

Tommy's hair fights itself in the strong wind atop the cliff. He inhales deeply, catching his breath. The view down is spine-shaking. It causes his palms to sweat and heart to dance in anticipation.

It comes back. The hypothetical that shakes through his core, causing him to almost get killed oh so many times before. It echoes harder than ever before, pushing him closer and closer to the edge. What if... It hammers into his back. Not wanting to finish itself and say what it wants.

What if I jump?

His mind and heart race in time, running through scenarios, possibilities, and effects of if he were to jump. 

"Tommy?"

The air stills. Tommy hadn't noticed his father coming from behind, only now a short distance behind. His eyes are still stuck to the ground below as Phil calls out for him multiple times. He asks if he's alright, concern prevalent in his voice. He wants to run to Tommy, but he knows what could come if he did.

"What if-"

"Tommy," Phil cuts him off, voice stern.

"What if I jumped?" He turns to face his father only a few steps away, tears stilled, yet threatening to spill. "It's always been us against the world, Phil!"

He heaves a breath and falls to his knees. His hands curl in on themselves, knuckles whitening at the pressure. "What if I jumped? I wouldn't- I could... I could jump," he laughs.

His eyes dart, eyeing the area below, for a place to land and ensure-

"Tommy, please, look at me."

Phil's hands land on Tommy's head, turning it towards him. Their eyes meet, one fueled with the pain of longing. The longing for an end, for his best friend, to be rid of all the pain of the present and future. The other filled with sorrow, and pity aimed at their own son.

Tommy is pulled into a one-sided embrace as he sobs. He sobs, feeling knives in his chest through every quick inhale or exhale. He adjusts himself and grips the cloak of his father wailing, begging. His chest feels as if it's caved in.

"I want him back. It's not fair Phil, it's not fair. I'm too young to be in a war!" His voice and body violently shake as he's held. His mind numbing and everything flowing into his soul, causing pain he'd never imagined. What if. It comes back. He inhales deeply and pushes against his father's chest.

Phil falls back.

Tommy lunges for the cliff.

"TOMMY!"

What if..?