I can't believe I've never seen this before. All the times I've looked into hew brown eyes and involuntarily fell to her slow yet contagious smile and yet I didn't see it. Not once. How gullible must I be? It was obvious this whole time and I looked right on past it. It's a classic irony I guess and a cruel one at that. Too much pressure and I might fall back down again but something inside of me whenever Emily is around feels weightless and free. There is no pressure with her and there never could be. God knows she wouldn't allow it.
Even if things ended badly Emily would not allow our friendship or the sake of this team to break. She's strong willed like that. She believes in the things that matter to her and I think that's definitely in my top ten reasons to declare her the most amazing person in the world or in the very least, my world.
The very moment Emily turned in the opposite direction after leaving the coffee shop I felt a sudden sadness wash over me. Her smile beaming out the window as she took a careful turn. Not like the ones she'd take on the job, or any other time for that matter. Emily's a reckless driver and god do I love it.
She has this taste for danger that scares the shit out of me but I feel so safe when she's around. Safe to know that she's safe.
Coming home I've felt many different things, fear, defeat, happy, but I've never felt sad. Sad to know that Emily is probably walking into her empty apartment. Emily's very independent and probably prefers to be alone but I can't help but think I could be her company. At this point I'm hoping this is just some post-traumatic stress from all the crashes in our relationship. From the start we became best friends, hanging out at the bars with Garcia, movie nights in Gideons office before he got out of here, and many nights of late night conversations while Emily generously offered to help me finish up my case files. Sometimes she would even get stressed out from doing them at her desk so she'd come up to my office free range. I always saw it coming though because my office gave a perfect view of Emily's neat cubical which would make sense because she didn't spend much of her time there anyways. The least she'd have to worry about is spilled coffee.
Emily had a routine that if you watch her long enough you'd catch onto it. She'd always start by biting her nails of course and then she'd move onto tying back her hair so she could focus intensely which eventually gave her a headache so she would massage her temples. Emily is a strong believer in the quote, "Coffee can fix anything," and so she'd religiously take a sip of coffee followed by a few more. This surprisingly worked for a few minutes until the caffeine kicked in and at that point she just wanted conversation. Somehow it helped her focus. Actually it helped both of us focus as we eventually got the job done.
But from the friendship we also experience so much loss and death. As a team we all did but somehow leaving Emily was always the hardest. She never let people in and you don't have to be a profiler to know that. But she let me in and that kind of trust meant a lot to each of us. I can't technically speak on Emily's behalf but I like to believe that's true.
When I got transferred from the BAU, when I heard Emily almost died at the hands of Doyle. When I had to act as a helping hand in faking her death and then obtaining several different identities to which she'd become while I had to go back to the team to attend her funeral. I knew it wasn't real but in a way I had no choice but to believe that Emily Prentiss was dead. Afraid I'd never see her again. Until she came back and then from there things just spiraled out of control. It must've been the whiplash of everything happening seemingly at once. The time in between where Emily was gone felt slow but looking back now it seems like nothing.
And yet no matter how much I want to rationalize this as the result of spewed emotions I know that there's something more simple to this. A answer that sets apart from the rest and stands out more because it's the truth. This is simple attraction and it's always been there. I've always admired Emily for her looks and her personality is so attractive.
