Only if it's You

Prologue

As a kid, she always knew what love and romance meant for her - a waste of time. She had made up her mind that she couldn't afford to waste time in the life she'd dreamt of living. She knew what she wanted, and she also knew she'd have only that.

Growing up a teenager also, she had friends who'd tell her what a bliss it was to have a boyfriend.

"Oh, girl! You have no clue how awesome it feels in a relationship."

"I have no interest in knowing either," she'd tell them casually.

"You sure don't. But you know what? A man needs a female, and the female needs the man equally. It happens to everyone, you ain't no exception."

"I have no time for that." She'd pace away just after. It pissed the hell out of her when people told her how being single a whole lifetime was near impossible. She'd prove them wrong, she assured herself.

She read romance, wrote romance and thought of it while she did so. Though her brain was steadfast on the 'no-romance lifestyle', somewhere down her heart, she knew it would be wonderful to have someone think about you twenty-four-seven while you do the same. But her resolve was so engraved in her that her brain didn't allow her to think about this beyond a point.

However, she was adulting, and, if not serious, she had crushes. Only one. That too a person a decade older than her. He resided at the other end of the world. She didn't even know if she'd ever even see him in reality, but she so wanted to. He, on the other hand, might not, rather did not even know she existed in this world.

Despite all, she never told anyone about any of this except her diary. She called her diary Ms. D, after reading about Anne Frank who called hers Kitty. She made a point to tell D everything - good or bad - though it mostly would be the bad ones. She was then fed-up of living the life she did, in spite of the good things that happened on and off.

She so wished to flee faraway, live her life on her terms with no one to please, no one who'd dictate to her. She had a grandmother - Grammy she called her. She believed that her Grammy was an angel especially sent to love her unconditionally.

"Grammy, I want to move away from here, it's suffocating. I want to go to... to... I don't know where exactly, but I do. And, I'll buy a house there, take you with me. We both will stay there merrily. You cook me good food and I'll get money. You'll come with me, right?"

"I sure will if I make it till then."

"You're not going anywhere, okay? I won't let you go. I only have you and you say you'll also leave me? NO. I'm not letting you go just like that. I'll see who has the daring to take you when I have your back."

"Okay, okay. I won't go. Happy? Jesus, don't cry, Lorie. Stop. I'm not going." Grammy giggled looking at her cry-baby face.

"Good Grammy. I love you, Grammy. Don't leave me ever, please. There's no one I could possibly love as much as I love you. Promise me you won't go anywhere."

"I love you back. And, no I won't. Ever. I promise. Now wipe off those tears, Lorie."

She loved her Grammy to the end of the universe and back. She didn't want to lose her ever, at least not before she was on her own. If she knew what love was, it was only because of Grammy.

She had had a lot of setbacks, in terms of love - people who loved her. She wanted to unlove them, but she couldn't. That was the precise reason why she didn't want to be loved any further. The people she loved weren't by choice. But they were the precise reason she thought she wasn't capable of loving, because that love would be by choice.

She was quite futuristic in reality and was curious to know what life had in store for her. And even if life had kept lust for her, she'd ignore and move on.