The Sisters Of The Court

Chapter 53: Scarlett

Darkness, Blood, Heat, Alice, Lights, A telephone? I sit up in my bed in a cold sweat, The eerie sound of a telephone rings through the silent house, Somethings wrong, Terribly wrong. No one rings this late unless something is wrong, I look at the clock, One A.M. I look out the window, Everything is silent in the moonlight, I hear someone pick up the phone and slowly walk up to the office, I know what's coming. Someone's dying or is dead, Thank God everyone in this house is safe. I hold my robe around me as I watch a maid talk to someone on the telephone and she goes as white as a ghost as she hangs up shaking "He-He's dead." She says in a small voice and my thoughts immediately go to Nicholas or Michael, George is upstairs, I saw him right before I went to bed. "Who? Who is dead? Spit it out girl!" I snap, If it's Nicholas then George is Tsar, Someone should wake him up. "His Imperial Majesty George Alexandrovich." She grips onto the telephone and repeats I can only guess what was said on the other side "That's ridiculous." I scoff "George is asleep, I will show you." I take her wrist icily and walk upstairs as my heart races, It's not true, I know it's true but there's always that seed of doubt in me. "See? He's fine." I throw open the door expecting to see them both sleeping soundly, But the bed is neatly made and no sign of either of them. I walk into the room in silence and feel my heart stop. No. He had months with us. He's not gone, He can't be. I let out a bloodcurdling scream, Realizing. And faint dead away.
****
We're back in St Petersburg again, I don't know how long it's been since I've been here last , I don't care. It's only been a week, One week since my love is gone, He's an angel now. Nobody talks about it, They just shut themselves up in their rooms, The children are taken care of by governesses. Duckie broke into uncontrollable hysterics when he was told, Or at least that's what the governess told me. I haven't seen anyone, I've barely been out of my room. Boris knows better then come near me when we're so close to Nicholas. I am just numb, Trying to process, Understand. I was supposed to be there, I was supposed to be there with my love, Help comfort him too. She got it all, That bitch. Doesn't she know other people care too? I put my black bonnet and veil on over my face, It's drizzling, Perfect weather for a funeral. Funeral. The word echoes in my head, It's a funny word, Who even thinks about such bleak things? Me apparently. I look at myself in the mirror, I look nice, One could even say beautiful. But that doesn't matter. What even matters on a day of a funeral? The mourning family? What good does it do them? To see him buried in the cold hard ground, See his lifeless body. What good does that do to anyone? I wonder numbly as I slip my black gloves on pick up the white rose I'm supposed to lay on the coffin. Why white? It's a symbol of purity, But this is death. I look at the dumb rose, Wishing to pluck its petals off until it too is dead. Dead. Like everything else in this world, I open the door and a gush of cool air rushes into the room. I read that spirits travel like this, Maybe George is with me. In a more spiritual way then we like to think. I climb into the waiting carriage outside as it pulls off after I climb into it alone. I look at the passing by people, Some wear black. Why is everyone not mourning the death of such a wonderful man? I guess because he wasn't Tsar, In my eyes he's more important then Nicholas will ever be. The carriage slowly moves in the funeral procession, I sit at the very back of the procession since I'm not with Boris today. A forgotten woman, The woman who gave the Tsar a son and mistress to the Tsarevich. I grip the rose in my hand so tightly it's thorns poke through my gloves, Pricking my hands making them bleed, But no pain can be worse then the one I feel inside and inside my heart. I watch from inside the carriage as the other members of the family get out while I'm stuck in the back, The bitch with the Empress, Michael following behind. I am nothing and I will never be anything to anyone ever. It's finally my turn and I'm the last one into the cathedral but somehow I still get the honor of putting a rose on the coffin. I stand silently watching as person after person goes up and kisses it, I see the empress having trouble letting go but she does of her own will. Finally it's Alices turn, I watch her carefully as she opens the coffin. What is she doing? No one ever opens it, I watch as she puts a family picture of them in with him, I see a tear slide down her face but she composes herself I see a glimpse of George's face, So peaceful. And I can't take it anymore, The last time I went to a funeral I was six and I can't even remember it. Tears start sliding down my face more rapidly as I approach the coffin, I can't do this I can't let him go. I lean down to kiss the coffin and feel panic rise up in me, No that can't put him in the ground not my love, He doesn't deserve that. I throw the top part of my body onto the coffin crying hysterically, I can't hold it in anymore. "Please Don't take him," I cry, My wails ringing out all over the cathedral "You can't, You cant take him," I wail clutching onto it for dear life as I feel a pair of hands clutch onto my shoulders "Natasha, Don't make it worse." I hear Michael whisper gently in my ear "Stop! You can't put him in the ground!" I continue wailing as he tugs me off the coffin and puts an arm around my shoulders "I'll take you home." He says gently as we walk past Alice and the empress "She always had to make it about herself." I hear Alice say among the soft chatter of peoples shock. I get into the carriage with tears drying on my face, I don't want to talk to Michael, Thank God He doesn't try to talk to me as we drive back to the palace. I get out in silence, Ignoring his hand and just sit on my knees in the grass, Some of the children play out in the gardens. And I just watch silently, Letting the rain drizzle down onto my veil. Why are they even letting the children out now? Don't they know about death? It doesn't matter anyways I guess, Michael sits next to me in a chair as Duckie runs up and throws his arms around my neck "Mama! I have missed you! I am very sad!" He says as I push him away gently "Go play Geor-" I cant bring myself to say his name before my voice breaks "Why mama? I missed you." His bottom lip quivers but I just stare silently ahead, I can't deal with this right now, I need a drink. Michael looks at me and Duckie "George why don't you come sit with me?" He pats his lap "I do not know you very well." He takes small steps backwards "Do it or don't George, There's no time for hesitation." I snap at him and get up walking inside to my bedroom as the others come back from the funeral. I can hear Michael follow me but I don't care, My life is none of his damn business anyways. I throw off my shoes and bonnet and lay down in my bed, I've never snapped at a child before, I'm a horrible parent to as well as a whore. I start to breakdown in grief again, Crying into my pillow as I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist. "Stop, Let me go." I say in between choked sobs and try to get out of Michaels grip "Shhh, It'll help." He strokes my hair and holds me around the waist tighter "Stop," I choke on tears before I can say anymore "Shhh" He just keeps stroking my hair, This was his brother, Why is he doing this for me? A worthless whore? Eventually I relax in his grip and just cry holding onto his hands as tight as I can, Until I fall asleep out of emotional exhaustion.

I wake up to a crash, I sit straight up, Michaels gone, I don't know how long I've been out, I get up groggily and race to the room next door, Alice is already there, Next to Nicholas as he cries. I breathes a sigh of relief, It's nothing serious, Just his leg "I'm sorry, I didn't do anything. I didn't mean too." Duckie cries and scurries over to me but stops short in front of me, He's scared now, Because I snapped at him. "Come here, He's Fine, It's just his leg." I take him into my arms as he clings to me, "Get him out of here Scarlett." Alice snaps at me as a servant carries Nicholas to a bed "Why? It's just his leg." I sit Duckie down in a chair and walk over and realize, It's not just his leg. It's much more. I see the swelling and know immediately what it is, Hemophilia. The family curse that we've all been warned about. I step back in shock, George didn't tell me. He never did. Even when we were just friends. Didn't he trust me enough? Why wouldn't he have told me? Did he ever even care at all? Was I even his friend like he said? I race out of the room, I dont know where I'm going, Somewhere, Anywhere away from here. I run outside and let the rain drizzle down on my face. I need to dull the pain, My heart aches so terribly for my love. Alcohol, It always helps "That's the father?" He laughs throwing his head back "Mhm." I giggle drinking more, I wake up next to him his blue eyes pierce into mine "We didn't-" I smack him on the back of the head "Of course not." Tears fill my eyes as I remember, I need alcohol and a man to numb to pain, I walk into town by myself, Letting the rain drizzle onto my face and hair, It glistens, With the rain drops in it. I'm half soaked by the time I get too the tavern, I don't care if women arent allowed in here. I have money, That should be good enough for anyone, "Whiskey." I put money down on the counter and sit down, Wine is for sissy's who don't know how to handle alcohol, I need the hard stuff. "Here you go." The bartender gives me a funny look, But he can fuck off. I down the drinks, One after another, After another. I slam the glass down on the counter, I can barely stand up anymore when I see a group of Grand Dukes walk in. Perfect, They'll want the Tsars Whore in bed with them, I walk up to one and run my hand down his chest "Meet me upstairs darling." I wink at him then saunter off in the opposite direction upstairs.
******
Days go by here In St Petersburg, I bet stupid Alice is just counting the days until she can go home, She can do whatever the hell she wants, She's the Widow, Not me! I slam the glass down on my dresser, I've lost myself. I drink all the time, And sleep with whoever the hell I want. I stare at myself in the mirror, I shouldn't be wearing this dress, It's too flashy with feathers on the shoulders embellished with gold on the front. But who cares? I'm just a slut anyways, George wouldn't care since he couldn't even trust me! I stick a flask in my panty hose and stumble out the door to the ballroom, It's disgusting. It's a stuffy mess, With no life to it whatsoever just people talking quietly, What's the point? He's dead, It's not like he's going to mind quiet anyways. I can hear the quiet murmurs of rumors as I walk in but I don't care, I don't give a damn about anything anymore. All the heads turn to me, especially the male ones. I sit down at a table in the corner and take my flask out, I don't want to be here. I want to forget about why I'm here. Before long my flask is empty and I'm resting my head against the wall behind me. Tears fill my eyes, why can't George come back? We could have been together-I could have given him everything. All of me. "Why is his mistress here? So disrespectful to Alice." The words bring my attention to Andrei standing close by me, Boris's brother. No wonder he's also an asshole. "And wearing that as well." He rolls his eyes and I stand up, unsteady on my feet and clap at his words, the entire room goes silent watching us. "Superb job, you're the biggest gossip here andrei." I make my way over to him, the room is spinning and I feel like I could fall over at any minute but I'm not in control of my body anymore. I hate these people, how dare they talk about me and George. I was not his mistress no matter how much I wanted to be with him. How dare they slander him after he's gone? Andrei's face goes white as I approach him, "What?"
I Tell at the Room silent before me, "Do you not have the courage to say this to my face? All of you judge mental bastards?" I turn back to Andrei and push my cleavage up against him, "You don't think you can handle me darling? Why don't you try right here and see if you can satisfy me? Or no?" I push myself away from him as his face goes red. I barely process the roar of gasps around me, shocked by my vulgarity. Do they really think I give a shit? "You are a money hungry man that just wants to use Alice for her money her dead husband left!" I yell at him before my eyes set on Michael staring at me and blushing. I laugh bitterly before stumbling my way over to him, "Only darling darling little Misha can handle me right sweetheart?" I point to him and he flushed coming up to my elbow and taking it gently. "Natasha you're drunk." He says quietly and I rip my arm away from him. "Poor darling, he can't even get up the nerve his brothers had to fuck me too." I snap at him and he goes red and freezes. He leaves the room and the doors bang. I stand in the middle of the room and everyone's eyes are on me. I slowly back out of the room and stumble back to my own apartments.