The Summer '09 (boy x boy)

(Chapter 1) - Snow + Pain

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I took sharp, ragged breaths as the morning light woke me up. My hands quivered slightly on top of my sheets. What the hell was that? Did my will slip again that my mind had those flashbacks I never said I wanted? Why did that person had to come back haunting my dreams once more. He asked for my hand, and I refused cause I simply knew that if I took his hand, the memories will simply come back and keep taunting me till I die! Why? Why the hell did he have to do this to me? Why? This was the same words echoing my mind for years and years, and I still never got an answer no matter who I asked.

I felt my mind spin as I slowly got up my sheets. His smile.. his damn perfect smile... it's re-surfacing once more. I chewed hard on my bottom lip so hard till it bled like the usual. Damn. Why did I have to make that bloody promise? Why did I choose to live in this world when he clearly wasn't? Where his heart wasn't breating, everything about him is not in my world anymore... Never again will I meet someone like him.. never again.

I downed some of my special pills like candy, and the haze started building up again. I couldn't remember his face.. His laugh, and his name in general. I couldn't remember the boy that I was trying to forget. I laughed in sweet agony while my useless mind try to put back the pieces that I simply chose to keep away from myself, it was my choice to forget, and no one else has the right to stop me. None. "Haz." His blonde hair stuck out in all places and he looked at me with pure concern in his eyes.

I smiled and pulled him in for a hug. "Niall how are you?" I slurred almost took quickly. He hugged me back but when we released each other, his pertifying blue eyes bore into mine as if he was already seeing through me. His hands then found themselves on the white bottle that held my pills and he shook his head disapprovingly. "Haz, you can't do this to yourself.. You can't just simply take these pills everytime your mind chose to remember. Now I know this may be har--" "Niall, who are you talking about? Who was I trying to forget?" I asked casually really not knowing who it was for once.

Niall made a pained expression, and shook his head in disbelief. "Harry, you can't just get rid of his existence in your head no matter how much you take, Louis is alive.. in our memories.. and you can't just simply do all this." he notioned to the bottle. I looked at him blankly as his name popped out once again, and I felt hard tears slide down my cheeks. I tackled the lad angrily, and we both fell to the floor. I gripped hard on his neck as my feet lay on both sides of his body. And he took a sharp intake of breath. "Haz.. don't hurt yourself.." he simply whispered as he continued looking at me knowingly.

"FUCK YOU NIALL!! JUST WHEN I FRICKIN FORGOT ABOUT HIM YOU JUST CHOSE TO UTTER HIS NAME!! LOUIS THIS LOUIS THAT!! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO FORGET!? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL DO YOU!??! WHEN HE DIED I.. I feel my world already crumbling beneath me.. I.. I can't stand strongly in both of my feet anymore because he took that my ability to do so with him.. " I whispered silently. "I miss him Niall.. I miss him so frickin much.." I clenched my teeth tightly feeling the Irish boy's on my head. "I miss Louis.."  his name came out more of a heavy block than butter on my tongue. I felt like I was already loosing it once more.. I didn't want to remember.. I never did. But my mind still went back to those days. Those same days where we actually were the definition of happy.

"Haz, I can block you from the pain if you'll let me!" Niall insisted once more. "Just fall in-love with me Haz, because I can make you forget his name like you wanted and remember mine instead." That was the last straw, and I broke down on heavy sobs on top of his chest. "Don't you think I've tried huh? Niall? I tried.. I bloody tried and I still couldn't do it." I sniffed while getting off him and throwing on some random clothing on. I was about to leave, but he stopped me and caught my wrist.

"Haz, it's cold outside.. Wear something warm at least." Like hell I'd need it. Was the thing I wanted to say but I took his offer and put on a warm jacket that contained his scent, and a white tuque that he slid on my head and covered my ears. "And a scarf to finish it off." he mused while grabbing a matching white long knitted scarf around my neck. I winced by his touch, and he looked at me apologetically knowing fully well what human contact does to me.