All these years (Camren)

Chapter Two - She's my greatest fear (Part One)

A/N: Since the other Chapter was so short here's a longer one.
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When Lauren came home her heart felt heavy, filled with guilt and sadness. Hearing Camila singing those lines she listened to almost every day made her want to run away but she knew that Camila needed her to be there at least she hoped so. Hearing the pain in her voice and seeing her cry broke her heart. She didn't know why she was doing that to her again. The Camila she knew didn't exist anymore. She looked so exhausted not like herself and Lauren couldn't help thinking that she had been a huge part of it. Looking into her eyes she could see that Camila was still hurting. She was still mad at Lauren and Lauren understood it. She hadn't forgiven herself for what she did to Camila but they were young and she was scared. Scared of people finding out. Scared to break her heart but she did anyway. She meant what she said, Camila was always more bold than her and it killed her. Lauren had been her first kiss and her first heartbreak. She didn't know how she could ever forgive herself for making her feel like that.

She loved Camila but her fear was bigger than her love and when she was ready to come out Camila was already over it. She left the band and Lauren blamed her for destroying their lives when in reality it was her fault. She wished she would've told Camila that today but she was embarrassed. She ran away like she always does. When she told Camila that she was dating Ash she hoped that Camila would show some sort of reaction. She hoped a part of her still loved Lauren but Camila stayed unbothered. What did she expect? That Camila would've waited for her but then again she was the one pushing her away.

She didn't really date Ash, they're faking it to promote their song but why didn't she tell that Camila? She said that they would stay in touch but seeing Camila being cold to her made her lose her track, she didn't even ask for her number.
Maybe that's how Camila must have felt back then.
Lauren called Ashley, she knows everything about them since they know each other for a long time.

"Wow, that performance was.. something else", Ashley said answering the phone.

"Yeah, I know. I wanted to cry like a little baby but I couldn't with all the Cameras around", Lauren answered.

"You know usually I would tell you to stop giving a fuck about the cameras but now with the promo I guess it's better that way. Did you tell her about us?", she asked.

"I said we're dating so yeah", Lauren said feeling sick.

"And you told her that it's just PR right?", Ash asked.

"No I didn't", Lauren said quietly.

"What? Why? Oh come on Lauren when will you get your shit together? She sang a fucking love song to you today and you tell her that you have a girlfriend?", Ashley said annoyed.

"I wanted to know how she would react. If I would've seen some sort of pain I would've told her.", Lauren said defending herself.

"Wait? She stayed unbothered?", Ashley asked almost screaming.

"Yeah, she didn't even care. She said we always had some sort of chemistry or something like that", Lauren said sad.

"So you think she moved on?", Ash asked carefully.

"Yeah I think she did. Maybe she wrote those songs a long time ago you know. I don't know I'm so confused.", Lauren said frustrated.