.20th December 2002.
Damian, I miss you, the more time passes,the further I feel from you
the space where you used to be is growing wider, to think of you hurts me,
but to not think of think of you creates a fear in me that i might forget you,
forget how wonderful you are...
Maybe there is still so much i have to think about, and to deal with
to do with you and me -
I had never had the chance to fall out of love with you, and i didn't get to say goodbye,
so many things I didn't get the chance to say...
And the pain in me from the way you chose to leave, god, it's so hard to have to know how it really happened...
How it could have happened and without me seeing it coming, how the hell i didn't see it coming...
And i'm still here, still trying to struggle on with my life, and sometimes this sadness inside me
It feels as though it's got me weighted to the ground,
I can't get up, I can't move, I can't go on...
Fuck it, I wanted to write, write about you, or to you, but it's hard
the words just don't flow like they used to...
You know how I was always writing, poetry and songs and stuff
these days none of that comes to me anymore, there's too much pain
and i feel creatively dead...
Art was so important to us, we were so into it and so good at it, particularly you -
I miss the beautiful things you used to make for me and give to me, i miss alot of things
I miss the sound of your your voice and the silliness of your laugh when you were happy...
It's hard not to know where you are, what happened to your soul, hard not to be able to reach you,
Not be able to talk to you, the way we used to talk, and we never ran out of things to say to eachother
You were the one who always understood me always...
Damnit Damian, you're not here, i'm hurting and I don't know if you can hear me...
