The weeks and months that followed your death
Are now in my mind complete confusion
It was pain and chaos
And this immense sense of loneliness
It was all kinds of strange situations and feelings,
Things I'd never had to deal with with...
Having to deal with police, and identify your body
Having to call your mother and tell her that her son was dead,
That he did it by hanging himself at home in our loungeroom
That he left no note...
Having to break it to your best friend Dora (RIP) who had already lost someone close, Adrian (RIP)
Having to call old school friends on the phone and give them the details of your funeral,
Then getting a tonne of calls from people and friends we hadn't seen in years
People we thought were lost to us, instead friends still there
It killed me to know you died alone, perhaps thinking you were alone
When you never were...
Months passed, and i went through valium, methadone, contintinued heroin drought, shots of coke and a wicked crystal methamphetamine habit,
Ensuing paranoia, hearing voices and seeing things, getting robbed, assaulted and ripped off, threatened to be killed as violence in Kings Cross got out of control, then September 11, 2001 and complete nervous breakdown freakout,
Still living in the house we had shared, angels suspended from the ceiling where...
When I'd lost so much much weight that I looked skeletal, tired, stressed, drug fucked, pale and sick
I packed up, escaped and moved to country Qld, where i came off a huge meth habit
And then swiftly developed another, involving alcohol and lots of pills
Still an emotional wreck, living on painkillers because my teeth were fucked, made worse by years of drug addiction and a few months in a state of malnutrition
I slept alot, and cried alot, and yelled alot and played alot of loud music
And then i stopped sleeping and spent many an insomniac night staring at the moon...
After awhile, i gained a little weight and some colour in my cheeks, i guess i was getting a little better
But still taking lots of prozac, valium and painkillers, i couldn't settle down
My drinking was out of control, and one night
Completely irrationally and without thought
I hit the road and hitchhiked back to Sydney, back to KIng's Cross...
