Rewriting Destiny

Chapter 16: Between It All Part 2

Author's note: It's been a while hasn't it? Guys, I am so so sorry. I had a lot going on, and I know that's not a good excuse but it's true. With a new promotion, and moving, everything was so hectic. I am going to try to update as much as possible! After this part there is one more part for the Force Awakens, and then I'll start writing for the Last Jedi. Main warnings for this chapter is angst. Lots and lots of angst.  A reminder I do not own Star Wars or its characters. Thank you for sticking around!

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I can smell the smoke from a bonfire nearby, and the alcohol others are already consuming. I crinkle my nose at the combination of the smell lingering throughout the party. I wasn't much on alcohol, I didn't really like the taste or smell. I usually only drank if I needed to relax, and if Poe was there to keep an eye on me. Poe keeps a tight grip on my hand, trying to soothe my nerves as I glance around looking for Rey or my mom. The more I think about it though, the more I realize my mother is probably mourning herself. Much like me she's probably not in the partying mood. I keep my eyes down, not wanting to be social or catch anyone's attention. I was here as support for Poe, I wasn't much on discussing today's events. There was laughter, and loud talking all around us as everyone celebrates our victory. It was something to celebrate, destroying that awful weapon. Even if there was a lot of loss along the way. I focus on Poe's tight grip in mine letting it hold me down, and letting my thoughts linger.

A couple of the pilots from the Black Squadron, two of them I recognize as Jess and Snap, walk up to pat Poe on the shoulder. They give him some congrats, and he releases my hand for a moment to speak to them. I don't think twice about it as I take this as my chance to slip away from the crowd to stand in the back alone. Poe doesn't seem to notice my disappearance as he continues to chatter away with his friends. I didn't really mind, it was too loud and exciting for me to deal with right now. I stand in just the right spot by the line of trees, watching Poe as he interacts with his squadron. He talks with them effortlessly, he seems so at ease. The muscle in his shoulders are loosening from the drink that now sits in his hand. His eyes glance around him for a moment, probably looking for me, and then looks back at Snap who is trying to catch his attention. I let out a small breath of relief, hoping that he will enjoy himself.

I jump at a sudden touch on my shoulder, but relax quickly as I turn to see Rey's small and kind frame. "Oh hey," I say, placing my hand against my chest, trying to calm my heartbeat. She gives me an apologetic smile, glancing around at everyone celebrating. She didn't seem to be in the celebrating mood either. It must have been difficult for her to watch not only Ben kill my dad, but hurt Finn and I as well. I wrap a comforting arm around her shoulders pulling her closer to me. She wasn't in this alone, just like I wasn't. We had each other. She brings her hand up to grasp my own, and gives it a gentle squeeze. It was nice having people around me I care about, even if it was just for tonight. Tomorrow, we would have a memorial for my father, I would watch Rey leave, and we would go back to fighting a war. There was never time in the midst of a war to mourn, to relax, it was only small moments like these that we could.

I look back at the crowd and focus my eyes on Poe who is caught up laughing with Snap. A tired smile reaches my lips, and I swallow back the lump in my throat. My dad should be here, at my side, laughing along with us. He should be with Poe getting to know him, getting to know the man I hoped to be with forever. "I'm sorry about your dad," Rey says quietly and I remove my arm from her to turn to look at her. Her eyes are misty as she looks into my own. She felt regret, and pain after what has happened, I suppose she thought she should have stopped Ben. She was wrong. It was I who was supposed to save my father, to destroy Ben. I was too weak.

"Don't be," my voice shakes, "there's nothing that could have been done,". Before she can say anything else to me I avoid her eyes, "I- I'm going to the restroom,". I turn away from her before she can stop me, and push my feet as fast as I can away from the party. I wasn't sure where my feet were taking me at first, but realization soon hit me as my father's ship came into my view. I check behind me to see if anyone has followed me, but I don't see or hear anybody. I continue my walk towards the ship and stop right in front of it. Usually, when I was upset I would climb on top ships, or in trees, but as I bring my now nub of a hand up to look at it I realize that was something I could no longer do. Not until I got my replacement robotic hand.