He Depends on You || Porter Robinson

Part Twelve

The last month of senior year of high school and the following summer months were perhaps some of the loneliest months of my life.

With Porter gone on tour, I was left truly friendless. I found myself wishing I had been braver or put in more of an effort to get to know more people in my class. Sure, I had a few acquaintances who I could make small talk with while in class, but other than that, I was alone. And as word of graduation parties and final summer hangouts began to fill the halls, I couldn't help but miss my best friend more than ever. I wished he was there to experience this with me.

But I knew he was having the time of his life on tour. He would call to tell me about his live shows as well as the crazy tour escapades. He sounded so happy; it made my heart swell.

Graduation went by in a blur. My parents and Brigid cheering from the audience as I won an award for my achievements in creative writing. Hats flying in the air. Tears and emotional goodbyes. And I couldn't wait to go home.

During the car ride home, I took in the brick school building as we pulled away. I wondered if I would see anyone again. Of course, I would run into a few familiar faces around town and perhaps at UNC here and there, but it was a strange feeling knowing that after spending 13 years together, I might never see some of those faces ever again.

"Wow...and just like that, both my daughters are high school graduates." My dad said from the driver's seat, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah..."I replied softly, "it feels surreal."

"Well we are so proud of you honey." My mom said and reached her arm around the passenger seat to pat my leg.

"Thanks." I said with a genuine smile.

"UNC here we come baby!" Brigid exclaimed from next to me and shook my arm with excitement.

"Yeah...let's go Tar Heels!" I replied with a laugh, trying to match her level of excitement.

It's not that I wasn't excited to go to UNC. I was looking forward to a new routine and a change of scenery, even if it was only 10 minutes away from my childhood home. But there was a part of me that wished I was going off to a cool new city like New York or Los Angeles. I got into a few schools across the country, but after receiving a considerable scholarship to attend UNC, I knew I couldn't pass up the opportunity. So, I was ultimately happy with my decision. And now all that was left to do was to work odd jobs throughout the summer to save up some money to help me begin this new chapter of life.

The next few months seemed to drag along. The heavy summer humidity and heat always made things feel like they were going in slow motion. I had found a job at a local frozen yogurt shop and spent my days passing out paper sample cups and refilling trays of toppings. It certainly wasn't thrilling, but I was grateful to at least have a cool escape from the outdoor heat. I found that the highlight of my day was typically when Porter called or texted to tell me some outrageous story or explain something new he learned while on the road. I was definitely living vicariously through him.

One night when I was finishing up my night shift at the frozen yogurt store, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I quickly scrambled to the door and flipped the open sign to closed and then answered my phone.

"Hello Porter Robinson." I said with a grin and could immediately hear music thumping and people chatting on the other end of the line.

"Kaaate!" I heard Porter's voice yell on the other end. I laughed and pulled the phone away from my ear as a reaction to his extreme volume.

"What's up?" I asked and sat down at one of the plastic tables.

"I fucking miss you!" He yelled again. His words slurring. He was drunk. I felt a slight tug at my heart. Recently, he has been drunk or tipsy for almost every conversation I have with him.