The Gloves are Off

Untitled Part 8

Vik POV:

I feel like I'm gonna fuckin' pass out... like I've run a goddamn mile without taking a single step, her hand sliding up to the nape of my neck, and dangerously close to trailing through the back of my hair.

Can't risk lettin' this get any further, not quite sure what this is, what she wants, if this is all some game to her... Definitely ain't to me, but I haven't quite got that part figured out yet either.

I want her, so goddamn bad... but if lust was all this was I'd already have her pressed against the wall, legs around my waist before she could even blink. Somethin's got me hesitant, got me thinkin' too much. Too worried about how she really sees me, if she really wants me or if it's just her hormones talkin' for her – don't wanna be something she regrets afterwards...

Don't think I could handle that.

Makes me feel weak, honestly. Not something I enjoy, but I think I better take the time to sort through some of my own shit going on before allowing anything like this to happen.

Not sure how I manage it... but I pull myself together just enough to clear my throat and hug her one last time for a smooth exit, catching her off guard when I part and try to act casual.

"Like I said, sweetheart," I take a seat on my stool near the desk, dropping her file there, "gimme a call if anything seems off, yeah? Maybe see you at the gym soon?"

"Sure, doc."

Her voice sounds... off, drawing my attention back. I didn't wanna watch her leave, meant to keep my focus on the file like I was finishing up the last details – which would technically be true.

But...

Fuck... if I don't crumble at the sight of her.

Her shoulders are slumped a bit, eyes cast down, brows knitted together slightly as if questioning herself before she makes her way to the door. She offers a small smile my direction as she waves goodbye, but there's not much life behind it, not the usual cheery demeanor she tends to have.

She seems... hurt.

Goddammit...

I stay silent, knowing it won't do either of us good to stop her from leaving, keeping my trap shut until I know she's left the building, hearing Misty tell her goodbye from the front room.

My jaw hurts from clenching so much, head spinning and heart just now working towards settling into a normal rhythm.

Did I just fuck up?

She looked so sad, so ... confused. Like I'd rejected her.

If only she knew what was really going through my head.

Or maybe if I knew what was goin' through hers.

Not quite sure what the fuck is going on in my own goddamn head anymore.

All I know is that I don't wanna be some one-night thrill, some game, some cheap joytoy or anything like that. 'Specially not with her...

Got no right to want more... hell, got no right to want her at all.

But I do.

I want her so goddamn bad.

I wanna kiss her, I wanna hold her close, wanna feel her arms around me, see her smile when she looks at me, hear her laughter and know I'm the one who caused it.

Fuck.

I want every bit of her.

In every way.