Confessions

Chapter 38

My finals were tough, but the eight hours I just spent today completing them was far worse. As I walked down the halls of St Ann's for the last time, I felt my ping in my heart. St Ann's was all I've ever known and private school scared me. Especially after dealing with Alex's 'friends' at the gala. I was scared I wouldn't fit in, but I had no choice. Not anymore. I pushed through the main office doors, signing out and saying goodbye to the secretary sitting behind the desk. She must've not been happy that she was here, she just scowled at me. I still gave her a smile as I left the office. I walked toward the doors, switching my bag to the other shoulder. I saw Kristen standing outside, bundled in a big jacket and sweats. I just pushed through the door, trying to walk past her briskly.

"I'm glad you're leaving. I'll take good care of Alex for you." She said, a smug look on her face. I stopped in my tracks, wanting so badly to pummel her.

"We are still together you trollop." I smirked, turning to walk to my car.

"Well, seeing as you'll be a thousand miles away. I think I'll be tempting enough, I'm skinner, prettier and have a better rack than you anyway." She said, cutting into my insecurities for the final time. I scoffed, the anger hitting the pavement with each step. I slid in the driver seat, buckling my seatbelt. I just starred in her direction for a minute. She really knew how to feed into my insecurities, but I knew Alex would never. Not with her. Not again.

Later that night at dinner, we all sat together, in silence it seemed. Steven looked at me, smiling a little.

"How do you think your finals went?" He asked, taking a bite of his mashed potatoes.

"Honestly? Well, but I struggled with calculus, I feel like I forgot everything from the last three weeks of school." I chuckle, smiling at him.

"I hope I can kill my pre-algebra final. I have been struggling, really bad but Jason is good in math. So he has been helping me with my homework after soccer practice."

"I'm sure you'll do fine and if you need extra help. I'll be a skype call away." I say, rubbing his arm gently.

"We are going to miss you Aubrey, at least I will." He said, cutting his eyes to our mother. She just sipped her wine and smiled.

"We all will miss you, but this is for the better. I hope you take this chance to prepare yourself for college. This school is a college preparatory, it will only benefit you." She said, taking a bite of her turkey and gravy.

"Yeah." I said, trying to sound cheery. There was nothing cheery about this dinner, I wanted to yell at her and hate her even more than I already did.

"If you need anything, please just call us and ask. New York can be a fun city to live in, but it also brings troubles." Carl said, trying to smile. I know he didn't agree with my mother, but there wasn't much he could do. She was chief of staff in this house and he knew that.

"I think you should finish packing, Cape Girardeau may be a thirty minute drive but we are leaving at ten. That will give you time to go through security, find out your layover in Chicago and get food if you get hungry." I nodded, grabbing my plate and rinsing off the food into the garbage disposal. I jogged up the stairs, walking to my room and shutting my door. I plopped down on my bed, letting the tears douse my pillow. I had been crying non-stop the last two days and then hearing Kristen talk so much shit today. I couldn't handle it, my phone started vibrating violently on my nightstand.

"Hello?" I sniffled, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Hey, do you have time to see Emma and I?" Jess asked.

"Of course, are you guys here?" I ask, standing up and walking toward my bedroom door.

"Two minutes." She said, hanging up. I opened my door and jogged back down the stairs. My mother looked at me puzzled, as I grabbed Jess's jacket from the rack.

"Where are you going?" She asked, finishing the rest of her wine.

"Jess and Emma wanted to say bye, is that okay?" I ask, my tone defensive.

"Yes." She said shortly. I opened the front door, as the girls pulled in the driveway. I walked down the snow covered driveway, opening the car door and sliding in. Emma turned around, handing me a small box.

"Here, something to remember me by." She said, smiling widely. I opened the box and there was a mood ring sitting on top of white fluff.

"Thank you." I said, hugging her over the headrest. She grabbed my arms and squeezed.

"We are going to miss you so fucking much. You have to skype us like every night okay?! Like seriously." Jess said, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

"Don't cry, please. I have been crying since yesterday. This is like the hardest thing I've ever had to do, leaving you guys. Friends forever?" I say, sticking my hand out, face down. They put their hands on top of mine, squeezing gently.

"Friends forever." They said in unison. I smiled, pulling them in for an awkward hug.

"I love you guys." I say, staring to sob.

"Don't cry Aubrey. We will see you in the summer, shit maybe Emma and I can come for spring break." Jess said, smiling softly.

"Plan it with Alex, he said he'd come to. I am just going to miss you guys, my heart hurts. I've never felt this kind of depression before. I don't even know how I'll cope without you guys." I say bitterly, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Look, you got this. We both believe in you, you are going to get a better education right? I'd take advantage of that and get into a good college. We are still going to be here, virtually and in real life. This is just practice for college." Jess said, rubbing my arm gently, the tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I know and I am. I've come to accept my fate, it just hurts. I feel like she is purposely doing this to keep me from Alex, but what do I really know. I'm glad you guys came to say bye, I was worried we'd miss each other. Thank you." I say, hugging them again.

"Duh bitch! You're our friend, we wouldn't miss saying goodbye and you better call us the moment you land in the big city." Emma said, smiling widely.

"I will, I promise. Thank you guys for coming, but I better get back in before my mom throws a fit. Jess did you want your leather jacket back?" I ask, starting to slide it down my arms.

"No, consider it borrowed until I see you again." She smiled, pulling all of us in for a hug again.

"I love you." Jess said, squeezing tightly.

"I love you too!" Emma said, as she squeezed me tightly too. I let go, telling the girls goodbye as I slid out of the car and back up my driveway. I looked back, waving before I walked into the house. I walked in and my mother and Carl were loading the dishwasher.

"Please finish packing, so you're ready to go tomorrow." She said, rinsing off a dish.

"Okay." I say, jogging up the stairs. I didn't want to fight with her anymore. I didn't even want to be near her. I opened my bedroom door and stared at the bare walls, all my band posters, author quotes and banners from dance were packed up and shipped this morning to my Aunt Savannah's. I felt like crying all over again, but I knew crying wouldn't help anyone. I knew I had to be stronger than I'd ever been, for myself, for Alex, for the girls. I sat on my bed, looking at my suitcase sitting by the closet door. I stood up again, turning my iHome on and turning the radio up loudly.

An hour later I was laying on my bed, all my bags packed and ready to go, sitting by my bedroom door. I stuffed half my bookshelf in an old backpack and a teddy bear Alex gave me last year. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand, noticing I had a notification. I had a missed phone call from Alex, he left a voicemail.

"Hey babe, sorry I missed you. I just wanted to call you and say goodnight and I'll see you tomorrow morning. I hope you sleep well, love you." I saved the voicemail, smiling as I lay back on my pillow. I was happy, but at the same time distraught. I was content, but at the same time I felt a blanket of loneliness cover my heart and soul. I had accepted that I was going away, but I was never going to accept that my mother was the reason. She had flipped my life upside down in a matter of two weeks and she had no reservations about it. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply as one last pity tear slid down my cheek.