My Pen

Heavy hearted

A mistake came on that night
Everything weren't even planned
You weren't meant, just yet, to come in my life
I'm sorry that I can't show you the light

I wasn't ready
I am not a full grown lady
I don't know if I could get by
For I decline such a great blessing from Him

What you needed, I just couldn't give
A mother's total love
A mother's devotion
The guilt inside me can't let me live

Not a good mother, not a great wife
On my planned and ordered life
I saw you as an infection
I saw you as an intrusion

Before you saw the light of the day,
I ignored you without a say
I wanted my own way
But now I am feeling sorry

I wish I can turn back time
I want to sing you a nursery rhyme
Into a life that's planned with you perfectly
Why do I feel so guilty?

You are so small baby
Not fully formed
Ready to live outside the womb
But I let you live under a tomb

From me, my child, you are separated
Now in the physical world
But you can never be severed
You will still be my child

I'm sorry baby
My so small baby

7-24-19