Putting the Pieces Together

CHAPTA 14 IT'S HAPPENING

A/N I suck. I didn't check for mistakes.

TRIGGER WARNING

(Suicidal thoughts in this chapter)

(Jerome's POV)

Something's wrong with Mitch. Not the "oh no my cat died" wrong. But the "oh no my life is an endless whirlwind of problems" wrong. Today we were recording and he randomly broke down crying after I said something about child abuse. I think he's pregnant. Jk that's not possible because he's a man hahahahahaha. He walks slower, he eats faster, his eyes are full of...pain? Misery? Depression? Whatever is wrong with my Mitch, I need to find a way to help him. Right now he's watching Big Hero 6 (sponsor please don't sue me) with Adam, Ian, and Ty. He looks so adorable when- What. Am. I. Saying. I don't have time to fanboy over his body. Do I just talk to him? Do I lure him into the car with candy and take him to a psych ward? I sigh loudly and walk to my room. I'm going to need to do some research.

(Mitch's POV)

Big Hero Six is such a good movie (let's play How Much Sponsoring Can I Do In One Chapter), but I found it hard to pay attention to the flickering animations when my mind filled with thoughts. What would Team Crafted (A/N rip) think if they found out I was gay? Would they kick me out? What would Jerome think? Would he hate me? Would the fans hate me? How would I even tell someone that I'm gay? Do I just say, "oh yeah I prefer dicks, did you see any good movies lately?" I might as well just add "also I'm depressed, I throw up after I eat, I cut myself, and I'm also on the verge of suicide every day. Anyways, so you wanted French Onion Soup? That's a classic, that's for sure." Oh God what am I even saying I'm a fucking mess.

"Um, Mitch, are you okay?" I jump when I feel large hands clasp around my shoulder. Adam.

"U-um, yeah, I'm-um I'm going to go-to my room, yeah, um-" I jolt up from the couch, nearly face-planting onto Hiro and Baemax or whatever the thing's name is. I keep my gaze to my feet and try to walk as fast as possible to my room. Suddenly I meet another pair of feet in front of me, and I get pushed back by the force of the body attached to them (A/N wtf). Don't talk to me. Walk past me. Ignore me like everyone else does.

"Oh sorry-Mitch? Are... Are you okay?" Jerome's voice cut through the air like a knife through skin; relieving but painful at the same time.

Stop talking to me. Stop pretending to care. Nobody cares. Nobody...

"Mitch, please. Talk to me. I...I really care about you."

Everything was spinning. My mind wasn't allowing for these words to be accepted. Only useful information. Only truthful information. He's a liar. And so am I.

I found myself losing balance, but before I found my face to the floor, I was taken into a warm embrace.
"I'm not letting you go." He carefully guided me to his room, and I collapsed onto his bed, feeling the familiar bed sheets, noting how they're always wrinkled. I dug my nose into them and smelt all of the things that make Jerome; coffee and sweet vanilla and leaves that fall from the trees in autumn and love. He smells like love and love is a scent that can't be described. My eyes grow wide as I feel arms envelope me, but I'm too tired to care. Jerome's touching me and I don't care. I don't care.

"Mitch. C'mon. What's wrong?" And I break and I don't even care that he will leave me. I just can't hold in my feelings like a fucking dam anymore. I can't do it.

"Everything, Jerome. I don't want to do this anymore." The dam breaks, and what's behind the dam comes pouring out in a stream of glistening water. It falls down my face and blurs my vision but my voice doesn't shake when I speak. I can't feel the sadness. I can't feel.

"Do what?" I make out his face through the tears and his face almost breaks what's not yet destroyed of my heart. Then I remember that he doesn't care. He doesn't.

"Living." I replied bluntly without as much as a pause. He just stared at me in shock, as if I wasn't obviously some suicidal time bomb that was bound to blow at any second.

"H-how... Could y-you say-that?" He was sobbing. I'm impressed with his acting abilities.

"It was obvious that I never was cut out for this world."

"No." He whispered, sobbing quietly.

"What?"

"I said no. Mitchell Hughes, you are not allowed to think that. You are the most deserving person in this shitty yet beautiful world. I don't know how you can even think that you don't deserve to be here. You've been through so much, more than you're willing to tell me, and you still believe that you don't have the ability to live here? That every good thing you get you don't deserve? You are fooling yourself and you are so far in your mind that it seems dark and you feel as if it's hopeless to even attempt to get out right now. I know you're going through some shit now. I know you're suffering, but if you could just see that I'm here and there are so many others here for you, then maybe you could find your way out of that dark place. I know it'll take a while, but I will never leave you, so don't ever think that I will give up on you. I love you Mitch."

What
He leaned closer to me. His hands tightly gripped mine.
The
His head gravitated towards mine.
Fuck.
Our foreheads touched and my heart rate increased. Was this real? His eyes were slowly closing, but I couldn't close my eyes. What if I opened them again and I was alone? His lips connected to mine and suddenly I knew it was real. His lips were smooth like satin and he smelled just like his bed sheets. The kiss was loving, not passionate. My inexperienced lips attempted to follow his as they gently grazed his. His hands wound around me and caressed my hair. Please I don't want to wake up. I hope this is the afterlife because eternity sounds like a good amount of time to kiss my best friend. We stopped eventually for air after what seemed like ten hours. I avoided eye contact in case he regretted it. He didn't like it. I wasn't good enough. He did it out of pity.

"Mitch, I'm sorry. I thought-"

"It's... It's ok. I'll go now."

"No, please don't go. Did you not enjoy it?"

"I-I... Of course I- enjoyed it. But you-"

"I'm the one who kissed you, I obviously liked it."

"T-this... This isn't... You don't..." I couldn't form a coherent sentence. All I knew was that he was lying.

"I want you to be my boyfriend. Will you? Only if you want to." I stared blankly at him.

"Y-you're- you're a- lia-r." I stumbled over my words as I dizzily stood up.

"N-no Mitch I mean it. Please believe me." He tried to reach for my hand but I sprinted to the bathroom and shakily locked the door. I heard him in the hallway but I boxed out any sounds other than the sound of the cupboard opening and the razor dropping onto the cold tiles. I smiled coldly as I lifted up my sleeves.

At least this would be my last relapse.

(A/N ok. It. I. You. Well. Um so yeah sorry. At least they kissed and I described it poorly since I don't know what kissing looks like or feels like. I poorly talk about some pretty serious topics such as homophobia, Eating Disorders, self mutilation, suicidal thoughts, Depression, abuse, and some other subjects. I don't accurately describe them. If I made mistakes on them, please correct me and I will gladly fix my many mistakes. Also, if my story triggers you in any way, please don't read it. I don't want any of you to be triggered because of my stupid story. If you ever want to talk, just Direct Message me or whatever this site calls it and I will try my best to respond. Or you can message me on my kik
tylerbrotatolover
This is for people who want to talk if they're feeling down, or if you just want to talk to me casually. If you have a serious problem, call the helpline for your state or country. I put pictures of them if you can't see them kik me or message me and I can give you the number if you like. If I don't respond I suck and I'm not avoiding you. Please go online to find your area's number if you're feeling suicidal or depressed or anything. I love you all. Don't ever give up. Stay strong.