Black Tears

indica

Clouds. They filled my consciousness, my lungs, the air around me, and everything was deep in the white, or maybe I was up in them. I'm not really sure anymore. The only thing I am positive of was the slight burn sitting in my chest, the dull twinkling of the stars through the tinted sunroof, and Ellery's slowed and deep breathing.

I remember when I got in Ellery's car It smelled exactly like him, just as I remembered. "Put your seatbelt on." Ellery huffed.

I flipped a strand of my hair out of my face and rolled my eyes. "Last time when I was in this car you drove like a grandma with impaired hearing, I had to tell you 10 times to make a left before you listened. So, just give me a sec-"

My head smacked against the back of the seat as the car lurches into a velocity that no doubt exceeds the speed limit. My hands scrambled over my shoulder as I frantically grabbed the metal clip, unceremoniously shoving the belt across my lap to find its destination. Once the joint clicks into place, my eyes flew to the man beside me, pure rage was boiling underneath my skin.

"You asshole! I'm gonna rip your dick off!" I yelled, the slightly ajar windows letting air zip into the car and howl in my ears, my hair flying around my face.

"I love it when you talk dirty to me," he quipped dryly, voice deep but holding an infuriatingly potent tone of amusement.

Turns out Ellery planned something for my birthday and found a spot in a forest with a wide view of Toronto's landscape. It's beautiful, to say the least; I wouldn't expect Ellery to go out of his way to find a spot like this. He reached in his pocket and pulled out two joints. I wasn't sure at first but it's my fucking birthday and I deserve to have fun. Not sit and home and clean for 7 guys; that's just depressing.

We shared jokes, talking about our time at Moonbucks, all somehow coming to the conversation whether vanilla or chocolate ice cream is better. After finishing both joints, I can only feel the rough burning of my lungs that I oh so missed. Ellery only took a few hits to drive us home.

I haven't smoked since high school and this time it feels different, I can't put a pin on this sensation. After a few songs passed, the feeling in the car changed. I knew he wanted to ask me where I've been, what I was doing but I don't have an answer for him other than the truth. In a moment like this where I can't put my thoughts before my emotions, I knew I had to avoid his curiosity at all costs.

"So... I've been meaning to ask you," Ellery clears his throat, knowing what's about to come I squint my face trying to avoid any eye contact. "-hey. Look at me."

Ellery puts a singular finger on my right cheek turning my face to his with slight pressure on my skin.  "Why do you keep avoiding my gaze?" Ellery hums with his finger trailing from my cheek to my chin.

The way he was looking at me was enough to send chills down my spine. His eyes were trailing up and down my body, like a predator that had not been fed. I knew I was giving him the same looks too. It was a battle that both of us played, who'd break first and god, I didn't want to lose. In response I said nothing, ignoring him and his questions.

"Alright, you're going to play the silent treatment card? Well, it's not going to work, 'cause see... for silent treatment to work I gotta care, and guess what princess? I don't." He said coldly.

I knew he was lying, yet I couldn't take him seriously with the marijuana clouds still in my system. In response, I just laughed causing Ellery to drop his fingers from my chin in surprise.

"You made me like this-" I had to breathe in to say a few more words due to my laughter causing me to drown out my air. "-so it's your fault that I can't even think properly right now."