Lost, But Hopefully Found

One

His hands.

His cold, harsh hands.

It's a sad thought that even two years later I can still feel his disturbing touch on my skin. That the fact he can live with himself after what he did, without a care in the world, the thought that he's completely fine and I'm sitting here broken and scared.

I used to be cheerful. I used to be the happiest person in the world, with someone that I thought would never hurt me. But little did I know that he would leave me, a shadow of the person I used to be.

I stand here today looking at myself in the mirror. My long, pin straight dark brown hair cascading over my shoulders and down my back. My pale green eyes that used to be filled with life, empty and sad. My pink full lips set into their known state of a flat line.

The worst part about getting raped by your ex boyfriend, is that nobody really knows how to act around you so slowly everyone starts to drift away and eventually you're all alone, left by yourself to deal with the trauma.

Me personally, I think that most people suck. Not just because of what happened to me but also because people tend to not care about their surroundings. Humans can be very interesting at times, because there are just so many things about them to learn, and each person you encounter has a history and is completely different from anyone else.

I live in a dark, small, suburban town, with a lot of dark hidden secrets. One fun thing about living here, that I never noticed before everything happened was how many things happen behind closed doors that the higher middle class men and women refuse to talk about.

It's funny really, the care so much about their pathetic 'reputations' that they'll hide stupid small things. Some things are bigger though.

My mom happens to be the main psychiatrist in town, so I get told all the house wives dirty little secrets. Like how Mrs. Anderson's husband cheated on her with his twenty year old assistant, or how Mr. Tallis can't handle the sound of his wife's voice anymore.

In a sense it's fun being alone, do I miss having friends like used to? Yes, but at the same time I'm happy that I get to simply observe how everything happens, I don't have to worry about dumb high school drama. I can just exist in the background and focus on more important things.

I'm a broken person, that's found a way to ignore and numb most of their sad feelings and emotions, and can just sit back and watch as time passes. I love being alone because silence makes it easier to get away from the chaos.

Even though I just sit at a desk in the back of a classroom and don't talk all day, I still hate school. I don't why it's just the idea of getting up everyday at 6 am to get ready for something that don't really want to do that makes me miserable five days a week.

I walk over to my shoe rack to grab my almost completely worn out black converse, sit down on my plum comforter, and tie them up. While I'm double knotting my shoe I can hear my mom calling my name from downstairs.

"Estelle, come on I made eggs and toast for breakfast you don't wanna be late!" She shouts up the stairs, dad's gone so she does her best to keep everything to a calm groove.

I give myself another look in the mirror, nothing to special just a baggy dark green hoodie, baggy blue jeans, and of course my converse. I hop up from my bed and make my way down the stairs.

I turn the corner from the hallway and smell burnt toast, "Um, Mom what happened?" I give her a confused look because it still surprises me how after all this time she still can't cook, it's kinda funny.

"Elle, I swear it's not my fault," she looks at me her eyebrows raised hands out, "One second I'm just trying to find the orange juice in the fridge, and the next I find the toast magically burnt in the toaster. I swear that thing is fried or something." She sighed defeated by the dumb toaster. I muffle a laugh and walk over to the kitchen island.

"It's okay mom, I'm not really hungry anyways. I'll just have some juice and a granola bar. And you are absolutely right, that toaster is evil." I smile at her trying to make her think that she's not crazy, she's trying her best so I can't blame her.

"Thank you, I'm going to buy a new toaster today after work." She sits down at a barstool across from me, "Oh, also I'm gonna need you to pick up your little brother from school today, I can't do it somebody scheduled an appointment right when I'm supposed to pick him up." She says messing with the eggs on her plate.

"That's fine, are you still dropping him off?" I ask her, "Yeah, but you also have to bring him to his soccer practice." She looks at me pleadingly, I groan in my seat, and get up to throw my rapper away. "Fine, but only because I have nothing better to do."

"Awesome! Thank you so much honey. You should probably get going." She stands up and hands me my backpack. I get up from my seat and make my way to the door.

"Bye! I'll see you later, make sure to tell Rome that I'm picking him up today!" I shout before leaving.

"I will! Love you have a good day!" She shouts back, and I make my way out the door to my car.

I hop in, and start making my way to hell. Also know as Northeast High school.

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A/N
First chapter, hope you like it!
Thanks for reading, and stick around for the rest of the story to unfold.
<3