Anxiety Attack

Chapter 27

Just a warning,there's some swearing in here please enjoy xx

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Finley's P.O.V

The smile slid straight off my face as I realized this and I swallowed hard, trying to will myself not to cry. Allie and Luke were whispering to each other and I needed to get out of there, oh god I needed to get out of there before I started bawling.

Allie pulled away from Luke and her gaze fell on me. "Lee," she said. "Where's Eli?"

My lip trembled and a single tear fell down my cheek, tracing my face and Allie noticed that.

"Finley," she frowned and left Luke, coming over by me to sit next to me. "What's wrong?"

I simply shook my head and turned away from her.

I heard Luke come closer and ask gently, "Finley, where's Eli?"

"He left," my voice sounds strange, all choked up from me trying not to cry.

"Why'd he leave?" Allie's voice is gentle.

"W-We had a fight," I said, and now I'm crying, tears making their way from my eyes.

"A fight?" Allie frowned. "About what?"

I sniffed and wiped at my eyes. Luke sat next to Allie amd looked at me with concern.

"About you guys," I admitted and their sigh emanated throughout the room.

"Finley, you don't have to fight about us," Luke said gently. "We can handle our own problems."

"B-But you guys were broken up and you're perfect for each other and I just wanted to help," I cried.

"And we appreciate that," Allie said, putting her hand on my knee. "But your first concern should be you and Eli."

I sniffed in response.

"Finley, don't worry about us," Allie whispered. "If you love something, let it go and if it comes back then it loves you too, remember?"

"She has a point," Dad said.

We jumped; I had forgotten that he was even here.

"If it doesn't come back," Dad continued."It was never yours to begin with."

Even this was all good advice, one thought ran through my head, replaying over and over in one continuous, horrifying loop-

What if Eli didn't come back?

...

I wiped at my eyes, heading into the kitchen. Crying made me hungry and now I was going to do a stereotypical- eat ice cream for hours. My mom was standing in the room, cutting up some carrots for dinner and she glanced up at me and opened her mouth to speak.

I cut her off. "Are you happy now?" I hissed. "Eli and I broke up, just like you wanted. You must feel really good about that, now don't you?"

Mom started to speak but I left, heading straight to my room, past Luke's, where Allie and him were talking and into mine. Slamming the door, I sank against it and started crying again, except this time I was alone and I could really cry and my breath started to get labored and no, not an anxiety attack, not right now.

I couldn't breathe. I was hysterical, crying and gasping for breath and I haven't been alone with an anxiety attack in ages. I tried to get up but fell back, still gasping like a fish out of water and I simply let it happen, giving up all control and suffering through all of it, completely and utterly alone.

...

I saw him today.

He was at school, and he kept his head down and didn't make eye contact with me. I saw him yell at some girl who bumped into him in the hallway, and she looked so scared of him and when he noticed, his shoulders slumped and I think I saw them shake, but he couldn't be crying, he left me and that's why I looked like crap today, because I spent the last night crying and recovering from one of my worst anxiety attacks yet.

I never just let my anxiety attacks happen. I usually tried to steady my breathing, something but last night, I just let it go and let it happen, in all its ferocious pain, trying to feel something physical when Eli made my heart ache.

And he's crying?

I shook my head where no one could see me. He had no right to cry, not when he hurt me like he promised he'd never do.

Eli's P.O.V

I drove home, fire running through my veins. I felt like screaming, I felt like punching something, I felt like I was missing a part of me.

And it was my fault.

I smacked my steering wheel and shouted, "God, why do I have to be so stupid?"

I got home and I could barely unlock my front door because my hands were shaking so bad, from anger or sadness or fear, I don't know.

I wasn't even angry at Finley, I was angry at myself. I promised her I wouldn't hurt her and when I started yelling she looked at me with such shock and fear in her eyes. I'm such an idiot.

As soon as I entered my house, I went straight upstairs, ignoring the fact that my parents were actually home and calling after me, I just went straight up to my room and slammed the door.

"Fuck!" I yelled, sinking against the door and burying my face in my hands.

This is my fault. I was trying to help Luke and I got so pissed because I feel the same way as he does, he was scared that Allie wouldn't return his feelings and I feel the same way about Finley, because I love her more than anything else in this world and I'm scared that she won't feel the same as me.

I'm fucking terrified.

And now I'm an idiot. I got up and walked over to my bed, flopping onto it and screaming into my pillow.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck!" I yelled and threw my pillow across the room, knocking a book off my desk.

Someone knocked on my door tentatively. "Eli? Sweetie, are you alright?" My mother asked.

Hearing her voice sent a wave of white-hot fury through me. I leaped up and opened the door.

"No, I'm not alright! But you wouldn't know anything about that, now would you?" I yelled. "Because you ignore me and act like I'm invisible!"

With that, I slammed the door and locked it, going into the farthest corner of my room and huddled in it, trying to escape the cell I'm in.

...

I saw her today.

She was at school and she looked so sad, her hair up and her eyes red and she had bags under her eyes, from not sleeping and I felt like shit because it was my fault she looked like that, I was the one who hurt her.

Some girl bumped into me and I whirled around and started shouting. "Why don't you watch where you're going, huh? God, can't you see people are walking here?"

I was about to go on but then I saw her eyes, filled with fear and a little bit of shock and suddenly all the anger went out of my body and I slumped my shoulders.

The look in her eyes was the same as the one that Finley wore.

My eyes got a little wet and I viciously wiped a tear away because dammit, I'm crying again, and I shouldn't be, because I'm the one that did the hurting.

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Hey guys here you go but I got something to say-

I hate hate HATE it when you guys are like "ermagerd update!!!!!" When I've literally updated an hour ago. I'm sorry, but when I see those comment, it me not want to update, which is weird but, I don't like receiving those comment an hour after I update. Its just a pet peeve of mine, and I would super appreciate it if you didn't :)

Now that that's said, I hope you enjoy, and please tell me if there's any mistakes :) bye!

-T A Y L O R