Anxiety Attack

Chapter 13

Finley's P.O.V

Eli wasn't at school today. I never realized how much of a loner I was until my only friend wasn't at school. Despite my own desires, I missed him. I spent the lunch hour in the library pathetically reading and re-reading the same line in my book, glancing up every two seconds to see if Eli was going to appear out of nowhere, flinging himself down next to me, knocking me sideways as usual.

He didn't.

Sighing deeply, I shut my book and gathered my things, deciding that I'd head to my locker with two minutes remaining of the hour. I trudged through the halls, finding the nearest staircase that led to the basement. After locating my locker (the right one) I dropped my things on top of my other books and closed my locker door. As soon as I clicked the lock shut, the bell rang. Sighing again, I hitched my backpack farther up my shoulder and set off, ready to face the crowd of seniors fighting to get to their next class.

I picked a staircase that came out really close to my next class, which happened to be history. As I was walking up, someone's shoulder slammed into mine, making me fall backwards, grasping at thin air as I tumbled down the steps. Luckily, I was only about five steps up, so I didn't fall that far. I landed hard on my butt, getting the wind knocked out of me as people continued to walk on, completely ignoring me.

I clutched my backpack tighter as the people trapped me from getting up, blocking me with their legs. When I tried to get up, I would have to shrink back in the corner, gasping for air as the legs were closing me in, keeping me trapped in the corner. I was stuck, inside a box that was way too small for me, and for the first time in a while, I could feel my lungs started to close up, my breathing becoming shallow, and the world starting to spin.

Seizing my chance, I scrambled through a break in the people walking, as the four minute bell had rung, and I made a beeline for the bathroom. Locking a stall, I sank against the door, letting my backpack fall as I clutched at my chest, trying to get the air through my lungs. Tears forced their way to my eyes, making themselves fall, tracing patterns on my cheeks, making my skin glisten with my pain. I sniffled, trying to calm myself down.

Where was Eli?

Eli was always here when I freaked out, when I couldn't breathe, when I was crying when I didn't want to. He was here when I was having my anxiety attacks. He was here to help me breathe. So where was he now?

Not here, that's for sure.

I gasped for air, feeling like I'd rather rip my lungs out through my throat if it would make the struggle to breathe stop. Of course, I thought of the Fault in Our Stars as I was spluttering and crying and gasping for air. I imagined this is how Hazel felt. If this is how she lived all the time, her life truly sucked.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I took in a deep breath through my nose and out through my mouth, the way they tell you to breathe but no one every does, and luckily, after a couple breaths I calmed down enough to breathe normally. I still sniffled, wiping tears from my eyes. Glancing at my phone, I noticed that it was about halfway through history and I just decided to stay in the bathroom until I had to go to my next class.

That thought made me pause. I barely ever missed school, much less a class for something that wasn't absolutely needed, and it was surprisingly easy to not care. I grabbed my phone to see if I had any messages from Eli, as I had texted him asking where he was.

He didn't answer me.

Sighing, I rested my head against the bathroom stall door. I didn't really want to get up, but the good girl in me made my body move, made me trudge down to my history classroom, and made me stammer awkwardly in front of the class when I had to explain why I was almost a half an hour late.