Rewritten Histories

Permission to State my Case?

So, hypothetically, if you were to be sitting in a Waffle House with your girlfriend, a guy you kissed one time, and two very gay men; how the fuck would you not be in this situation? Because I'm sitting at the Waffle House table holding hands with the girl that I desperately want to love, and my bitchass waffles look like motherfucking John for some goddam reason. And everyone is laughing because Laff played 11 rounds of Tom Jones' 'What's New Pussycat?' followed by one 'It's not Unusual' and no one in the Waffle House thinks its funny anymore and I'm just looking at the Waffles on my plate and trying to not cry because I hate literally everything that's happening.

And I'm suddenly very aware that everyone of my friends is starring at me, because I have somehow managed to drink 15 cups of coffee within the thirty minuets I've been here and now the waitress is refusing to give me another cup. I can feel my anxiety flurry through out my body, moving from my chest to the base of my throat to my eyes and holy fuck I suddenly cannot comprehend what's going on or where I am or why I'm here or how I got here. I feel myself slip from consciousness, forcing my mind to autopilot as my body becomes a husk of electrified meat that I do not own. And I can see my friends, I can hear them ask me questions, I can feel the body move to answer with a nod of the head. Eliza grips my hand tightly, but it's not enough because I am too far away to pull myself back. And then I find the spot, a bland tile on the ground that kinda looks like a dog and my peripheral vision shuts down as my mind flutters from my body.

Whenever I close my eyes I lose all recollection of where I am, no longer able to remember where I am, who I am, or even what I look like. Every sense feels so overwhelming but so underwhelming at the same time. Even the things I look at directly feel so distant like I'm looking at this waffle house full of very unamused people behind fifty solid feet of glass. I have become a spectator in my own body.

"ALEX!" I hear and I try to focus on the direction it came from. It was my dear Eliza, her eyes bore into mine, eyes I can't fully seem to recognize, everything seems so foggy. I see her grab a spoon and get a piece of ice out of my cup, she brings it to my lips and I automatically open them. I feel the coldness hit my tongue immediately and it seems to ground me. Slowly more things begin to come into view and Eliza gives me another piece of ice.

"Alexander, what is going on?" She asks concern dripping in her tone.

"I- I can't. It's all, I can't" I say, on the verge of hyperventilation. She takes both my hands after giving me another piece of ice. She looks directly into my eyes and holds eye contact. Slowly I begin to come down and she can sense my body start to relax.

"Guys I think I need to take Alex home." She says and I nod slowly finding my way to my feet. Her arm finds its way around me as she leads me outside. The rest follow and we all climb into the car. Thomas drives, Hurc sits in the front seat with Laf in his lap so I could lay down in the back with my head in Eliza's lap. She strokes my hair as I close my eyes and try to bring my mind back to my body. As I reenter my body, I suddenly become hyper-aware of everything. I feel everything, the feel of the tires on the pavement, the texture of all my clothes against my skin. Eliza's touch almost begins to hurt after feeling so numb. Finally, we make it to her house and Thomas drops us off. Eliza leads me inside her room. She wraps me in a blanket and turns on Pirates of the Caribbean, my favorite movie. As I focus on the movie, I begin to feel way better. By the time the movie is finished almost all the panic has left my body and I become aware of the fact that Eliza has her arms wrapped tightly around me. I am sat between her legs, my head on her chest as she holds me tightly and runs her fingertips absent-mindedly up and down my arm.

I feel a pang of guilt in my chest. I sit up and turn around to face her. "I have a confession," I say and her face twists briefly before she pulls herself together.