The Fate of Angels

2. Infinite Grief

“They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite” 

- Cassandra Clare

Padmé 

"Mama can you tell us about father?" If I had a credit for every time I've been asked that question by Luke or Leia, I'd be wealthy enough to purchase an entire planet, the question is asked almost daily, sometimes twice daily. However I usually only answer it once and awhile, skirting the subject all the other times as it's still a difficult subject to talk about. They're too young to understand corruption and what it does to a person's mind, if I told them how Anakin had choked me, they would immediately jump to the conclusion that their father had been a monster so I left that and several other details out.  Most of the time, I'd distract them with a handful of Chee-chee berries or suggest a walk in the meadows to which they'd cheerfully agree too and easily drop the subject. However, their eyes were fixed on me with an expression of eagerness and I knew there was no amount of Chee-chee berries that would get me out of this one. 

"Alright, you two, come over here" I relent, deciding that if I didn't take care of the question now, I'd be hearing it for the rest of the day. Luke and Leia share a smirk before prancing over and settling on either side and curling close as if they both understand that this is not an easy subject to talk about. 

"Your father was a very brave man, compassionate and protective, he was the best Jedi that ever lived, he saved many people" I start, the words flying out of my mouth, meaningless words that really mean nothing, that don't hold all the truth, what about the people he killed? Leia lets out a sigh of dreaminess, as if mentally concocting all the brave things her father did.  Luke is quiet, taking sudden interest in a crease on the hem of his shirt. "He was very excited to be a father, we didn't know that there was going to be a Luke and a Leia, we thought there was going to be a Luke or a Leia, he would have been so happy to have a son and a daughter." Luke seems to snap out of his reverie and his eyebrows scrunch up in a look of childlike sorrow as he snuggles closer.

"He died before he could meet you two but I'm sure he's watching over you and he's very proud" I finished, deciding to leave it at that, anymore on the subject and I'm nervous that the tears will start to well up. Leia's little fists clench in anguish and her brown eyes glisten with bewilderment, "Why did he have to die? It's not fair" She shrieked.  I gently pulled her into my lap and pulled her close, stroking her hair lightly.

"No, it's not fair but he sacrificed himself so that we could be safe, he loved you two very, very much" I murmur, words that offer comfort but can't give them what they really want, nothing could give them want.

The twins are quiet now which speaks more then any other action could as they'd always been so talkative. Chee-chee berries weren't going to pull them out of their dazed state but perhaps something else would, it was time to take it up a notch. 

"It's getting late you two, why don't we have some cake?" I suggest, carefully studying their reactions.

If there is any one word that has a magical effect on five-year old's, it's cake. Luke scrambles to stand up, nearly tipping over in the process as he hurries to the kitchen, running as fast as his little legs can possibly carry him. Leia watches him contemptuously as she too rises although she proceeds to the kitchen in a more sedate manner, obviously trying to behave like a 'big kid'. I watch them wistfully as I follow Leia into the kitchen, unwrapping the cake that sat on the counter, one that we'd made together yesterday, a birthday tradition. A minute ago they'd been sulking and now they were bouncing off their feet in anticipation, how innocent a child was. They could brush the pain away or push it to the back for their mind.  I turn to get plates and start to carefully take them out of a cabinet and set them on the counter when I cry of indignation splits the air. "Mama, Luke is messing up the cake" Leia complains, pointing to her twin who is wearing a sheepish grin, his fingers covered in white icing. "Tattletale" Luke growls, looking not at all bothered as he licks the icing of his finger.