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"Six damn years Janet! Six years and you can't even tell me what we are doing! What our relationship is!" I shout as I walk into our bedroom with Janet on my heels. We just got back from a dinner at our favorite restaurant and instead spending Valentines night cuddled up and making love we got into a shouting match on the way home all because of her.
"Toni you are being dramatic please calm down" she says as she sits on the bed to start taking off her shoes. I whip around to face her as anger boils in my stomach. I don't know why though we have been having this same argument for years and she hasn't changed yet, maybe I need to. "Dramatic? Dramatic! All I asked was for us to maybe find a house, settle down, hmm I don't know maybe you could finally say that we are in a relationship with each other instead of whatever the fuck you think we are doing!" I shout snatching my bracelets off and throwing them on the dresser angrily.
"And I said I'm not ready!" She screams now, standing up and barging into the bathroom. "Why?! Hell we already practically live together now with all my stuff mostly here even though I live all the way in Los Angeles! I travel to see you here in London all the damn time, you won't even consider moving closer to me!" I yell following after her into the huge bathroom. "You like London!" She shouts rolling her eyes. "But my family and yours is in the states, oh and speaking of families have you even told yours about me? No because you are in denial that you are a woman who likes other women!" I shout making her slam her hand down on the counter top, "Toni I'm asking you to please shut the hell up, we can't have one night without you going on one of your damn rampages, fuck!" She snaps glaring at me before marching out of the bathroom and bedroom. I stand there as tears swells up in my eyes as I hear the door to her loft slams shut singling she has left.
A deep sob comes out as I lean onto the countertop to hold myself up. I can't keep doing this. This back and forth between us is exhausting and quite frankly I am getting too old to be wondering if someone loves me or just wants some comfort because they are getting older also. Here I am, forty seven years old, fighting with someone who won't even hold my hand in public. I got two sons who I could be home with but I am here with her trying to love her. But I can't anymore, I got to move on...
Janet-
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