I Still Need You | Woosan

I Still Feel You

"San! San wake up!" San groaned as he woke up and saw Wooyoung. He sat up quickly and felt a lump in his throat. He saw Wooyoung smiling in front of him.

"W-wooyoung?"

"Shhh, come on I wanna show you something." Wooyoung reached his hand out. San was trying to decipher what was happening. 

"Are you coming or not?" Wooyoung chuckled.

San nodded and grabbed his hand. He followed his lover to the balcony window. He felt confused on how his husband was talking to him, how he could touch him and hear him, even smell his sweet scent.

"What are we doing here Woo?" Asked San.

"I wanna show you something, I already told you silly." Wooyoung laughed and opened the window. The stars shined brightly around them. Sans eyes lit up as he looked around.

"Woah." He said in a breathless tone, looking at the stars then looking at Wooyoung.  It was like that night at the movies all over again.

Small water droplets began to fall. San turned to see Wooyoung. Except all he saw was an empty space, "Wooyoung?"

He walked inside from the balcony,  "Woo? Where did you go?"

Suddenly a wave of water came through the balcony, taking San in its tides. He struggled, bobbing in the water to catch his breath. The waves kept rushing on quickly.

San took a final breath before he was plunged under the water. He opened his mouth to yell, but the water rushing in. He put his hand to his throat as water filled his lungs.

"SAN!"  San popped his eyes open as he was breathing hard and in a cold sweat. He saw the worried faces of his friends.

His breathing remained heavy as he began dry heaving.

"Woah woah, hey San calm down. It was just a dream." Said Seonghwa as he got next to San. The soft taps of rain against the window caught Sans attention.

"Wooyoung! Hes at the balcony!" San began panicking.

"San I dont have a balcony, none of us do, it was just a dream." Said Hongjoong gently.

"But he took me there- I saw him! I felt his hand when he took me there!" San had hot tears running down his face.

The group gave San some space before looking at the time, it was a little past 7am. Only 3 hours of sleep, yet they knew San wouldnt be able to sleep well.

They helped him to the livingroom with a blanket and laid him on the couch. Hongjoong decided to make a small early breakfast.

While he was cooking the rest of the group was having small talk with the distressed male. He was still in a panicked state but was slowly calming down.

"Hyung, tell me 5 things you see." Said Jongho. San looked around the room slowly, "couches, p-pillows, w-windows, you guys, tv."

"Good, now 4 things you can feel."

"C-couch, blanket, p-pajamas, carpet." San answered.

"Good job hyung, you did well. If it's not too hard, can you tell us what you dreamed about?" Asked Mingi.

San began explaining his dream with shaky breathes. Leaving no details out, he described how it felt so real.

He really thought Wooyoung woke him up, and that they were looking at the stars.

The rain turned into waves, and how the tides nearly drowned them. He hated reminding himself of it.

For the sake of his friends, he told them. Reminiscing the scare was half the battle. He felt okay, safe even.

They went to the table and  began eating after Hongjoong had called them. During breakfast, the group shared small subtle glances.

Each looking at San from time to time, it seemed he felt more lax. Sans mind finally registering that it was only his mind.

He still couldnt understand why it felt so real. Why he could practically hold Wooyoungs hand. Why he could smell his scent, and place it exactly.

"Am I a burden?" Mumbled San as he ate.

His friends seemed to be shocked at the question. How could he ask that? He was far from a burden to them.

"Of course not, this is a rough patch. You need friends support to heal." Said Yeosang.

The others gave small speeches about hoe they were always happy to help him. How they would drop everything to help him. As they did the day the tragedy happened.

They were always there for each other, meeting in high school and staying together. They had even lived together at one point.

Once San and Wooyoung got married, they moved out. Their jobs made it hard to keep up with rent, so they all got small houses and apartments.

Jongho was the only one still in university,  he was midway to getting his doctorate degree. He minored in psychology for these types of things.

They got San to nap on the couch for a bit as they devised a plan. They were each going to take San out to town for a lovely day out.

They were working to get their best friend back. It would still take some time. Wooyoungs death hurt them all.

They couldnt fathom what made Wooyoung resort to the act of suicide. He had some psychological problems at points. They never saw him suicidal at any point.

Even in the darkest of times. San and Wooyoung were meant for each other.  They needed each other.

To still feel each other.