Mafia's Princess|TK

thirty four

34| disgusting

with a cute yawn, taehyung woke up from his deep slumber— the first thing he noticed was that he was alone in the bed, the second thing he noticed was the mild pain in his lower area.

he slowly sat up with a low groan and stretched his arm out to reach his phone and check what time it is, putting it back when he saw it's 10pm and he had slept two hours. he could go back to sleep, but he rather got up, wanting to know where jeongguk is and what he's doing.

he notice he was already wearing boxer and one of jeongguk's large black shirts, so he only put sweatpants and socks on, before leaving the room.

"you were talking about her, right?" he stopped in his tracks when he heard his lover's voice, that was unexpectedly sharp again.

her?

"n-no, we didn't—

"it's okay." jeongguk interrupted the voice taehyung recognized as jin's and moved a hand through his blonde locks, taking a deep breath. "tomorrow is that day." he whispered.

the day? taehyung questioned, standing behind the wall, eavesdropping his boyfriend with his (gguk's) brother.

jin looked down, saying nothing. "we are worried about you." the older spoke, jeongguk scoffed. "i don't need your worry, hyung, look what i've done to her and tell me that i deserve you guys worrying about me!"

jin panicked, that's what they wanted to stop. "gguk— jeongguk calm down, please." he begged, his brother had his fists clenched though, while his chest was heaving up and down heavier.

"no! she was everything i had and i just... it's all my fault, try to understand me! i made all of us suffer so much..." he became quieter in the end, but the bitterness in his voice showed that he wasn't calm at all.

and taehyung's features turned sad. 'she was everything i had.'

he guessed that the older is talking about jaehee, he shouldn't feel this way, it's obvious that jeongguk had loved her a lot, taehyung would never be mad because of that. it just hurt that... that he can so easily get off track by just mentioning her name once.

taehyung shook his head, jeongguk loves him and he has every right to mourn over the person he had loved so much.

"jeongguk, fucking calm down! it's not
your fault!" seokjin now snapped. even if everyone agreed to not talk about it with the mafia leader, he thought it's nonsense, jeongguk can't go on like this, getting angry about himself, even if he isn't at fault.

"you didn't know she loved him! she tried to save his life, gguk. i know you know that it's not your fault... she made the decision— you couldn't change it." seokjin's voice was calmer now, he hoped so badly that he could tame the hatred towards himself inside of jeongguk.

taehyung was there, understanding literally nothing, besides the fact the jaehee's death affected jeongguk a lot and that there was another man. did she cheat on him?

taehyung felt sad, so sad. jaehee is dead, yet jeongguk's still not 100% over her, even though he's taehyung's boyfriend. sure, taehyung can't feel what jeongguk does, he didn't loose someone so dear to him, like he did, but it... hurts. that was what scared him;

'did he love jaehee more than me?'

he makes jeongguk feel like no one else does, but did jaehee don't do that? or did she make him feel even more special? old insecurities are kicking back in inside of taehyung.

he feels pathetic for comparing himself to someone who he doesn't know and isn't even alive anymore, but he can't stop it.

he shook his head and turned around to leave, deciding that he shouldn't think about it anymore, because jeongguk loves him.

seokjin had dragged jeongguk to to his room, the younger obviously needed to calm down first and standing in front of the living room door, knowing your family is sitting behind that, waiting for you to come back, wasn't helping. besides that, jin thought jeongguk could sit and rest a little. but then again, he could also just tie him up and make him listen.

jeongguk was now sitting on his brother's bed, looking down.

"are you calm?" seokjin asked and jeongguk only nodded. the older brother was feeling happy, he knows he shouldn't be happy in that moment, but seeing jeongguk after all this years showing emotions again, just melts his heart as his older brother.

"you're just going to listen to me, okay? listen carefully and understand." jeongguk was about to complain, but seokjin stopped him, raising his index finger.

"what happened years ago was not your fault, gguk. no one besides yourself blames you for it, no one looked down at you. we are worried about you jeongguk, we're your hyungs, we love and care for you, but you isolated yourself and it scared us.

jaehee's death pulled all of us down, we changed too, but you... you were a complete different person, you were cold, your actions leaded by anger and hatred. it worried us so much, me and namjoon checked up on you on the night, so we were sure you were asleep, not being the whole night up."

jeongguk's eyes widened, he didn't know about that.

"jaehee wouldn't want us to be sad, gguk. she'd want us to remember the happy memories we share. do you remember how i ate her yoghurt and she started chasing after me with her barbie slipper?" seokjin laughed and jeongguk could only smile lightly and for the first time after years, there were tears in his eyes.

jin was feeling like his little brother is back.

"you know jaehee, she hated seeing us sad... besides that, she wanted to save him and risked her life, it wasn't your fault, she decided to do that." seokjin continued and wiped jeongguk's tears away, who moved a little back, not used to these feelings anymore. "crying is actually disgusting, ugh."

he said frustratedly trying to wipe his tears himself now, but they wouldn't stop. with a small smile, seokjin continued. "i know you miss her, but forget what happened that day, you need to move on. remember that she would seriously slap you with her barbie slippers if she saw you cry."

the mafia leader laughed again. crying felt disgusting, because why the hell do tears have to wet your face and why do his eyes have to sting like that??— disgusting, but it was one of the best things that happened to jeongguk. after meeting taehyung of course.

because as he was crying here, he finally understood, things happen, he can't turn the time back. he can remember, but never change the past, that's why he should move on.

he looked back to the last years and remembers how dark everything was and how lightened up everything is now. it started the moment he was starting to feel something again and that all because of taehyung. he doesn't know, if he would've had understood what seokjin told him, if taehyung didn't convince him before that it's okay to show emotions.

the tears eventually stopped and jeongguk turned to his brother. "hyung... can i hug you?"

jin smiled, "of course", he said, engulfing his younger, but bigger brother in his arms. "i am... so sorry for everything." jeongguk tightened his hold around seokjin, but the older only shushed him. "don't be, it's okay... you should go to sleep, it's already late. tomorrow, i want to see you smile, kay?" he whispered and jeongguk nodded lightly.

sleeping sounds just perfect right now.