Remember These Feelings.

Rose Colours.

The roses have been lovely this year.
You've given me so many.

You've given me roses in shapes of necklaces and roses in shapes of bodies.
You've given me roses in the shape of bruises on my body.
You've also given me roses in the shape of words.
Roses in the form of pictures.
Roses in the form of actions.

So many roses.
Beautiful, beautiful roses.

The first rose looked like a finger. Small and innocuous, a rose, a bud even. The petals were pink and lush and played guitar. The stem was... tumescent. A rose your girlfriend didn't know about. A rose my boyfriend wouldn't have found out about.
A beautiful, cheating, finger of a rose.
Red and in full bloom.

I saw this rose, I admired this rose and I left.

The second rose you gave me was a story. Sorry, stories.
Whispers of Be careful stained this rose. A beautiful, careful rose. A rose with fragile petals, petals like sheets of ice. A rose that made me question you but also made me intrigued. I don't think you wanted me to have this rose. I've been told I'm the first one to get this rose.

But I took this rose and held it dear. This time I didn't leave. These were smaller roses. Hearsay roses.

The third rose you gave me was a picture of a rose. I shouldn't have gotten this rose, I know. I snooped and realised I didn't want to have this rose. This rose wasn't in my nature. (hah nature roses)
What a beautiful rose. So when you fell asleep and I tried to get us home, I found my rose. A beautiful picture of a rose with rose emojies.

My eyes widened at this rose. I scoffed at this rose. I thought it a begonia but we'll call it what it is. A rose.

The fourth rose you gave me was an action. An action I disregarded as I had nothing to hide. I thought this rose insecurity at first, but this rose had thorns. I had a new phone password everytime I saw you.
Please re-enter your password after 29 seconds
28
27
26
What a beautiful rose.

I've grown used to this rose. I don't mind this rose. I just want to know what you're looking for.

The last rose I've been given is the conflicting information. This rose is a bouquet. This rose has called you a psychopath, a sadist, a rapist and more. This rose told me you take advantage of girls. This rose told me you abused your exes. This rose told me to run.

I took these roses. All of these beautiful red roses. I took these roses and planted them in my garden. I water these roses.

I'm waiting for the moment when you'll give me some soil and I'll realise these red things in my garden were never roses at all. These red things were flags.

Red flags disguised as roses.

Roses in the shape of red flags.

But until then, my garden flourishes.

Jan 5.