Third person's P.O.V.
After the class 1-A of Aoba Johsai High School witnessed the 'romantic' scenes of Iwaizumi Hajime as Romeo Montague and Oikawa Tooru as Juliet Capulet, they decided to rather change the topic.
It wasn't like the two of them couldn't stop bickering every scene, or that they never stuck to their lines. No one noticed that they shot each other burning glares, that each of their sweet-sounding words resembling love songs were, in fact, honest death wishes. Nor the fact that they altered the plot into a full-out war between the main characters.
Not at all.
That never crossed anyone's mind.
Because everyone knew that they perfectly fit together and needed to interact with each other more so that this beautiful love could bloom to its fullest.
*needless to say that the person who wrote the previous passages was brainwashed by Principal + heavily influenced by sarcasm
Back to the topic:
After countless serious sessions with the homeroom teacher (who was the Principal herself, to her son's agony) and the actors, they came to a conclusion that 'Romeo and Juliet' was not to be played. For various reasons (students' safety being one of them).
"Does anyone have any suggestions?" One of the male students (whose name isn't important, let's call him student1) asked in one of those conferences.
Not even a single word was uttered. Overlooking the fact that the starring figures would go after each other's throat no matter which play they were doing, it didn't help that the whole class was deeply traumatized by the overly sweet and innocent smile Ms. Iwaizumi was wearing.
And that was also exactly why no one dared to say it outloud.
"What about you find a new Juliet or whoever it is you want and let me sleep through this?" Suddenly one courageous female voice sighed, earning everyone's attention.
Yes, those were the words everyone wanted to say. And there she was, Oikawa Tooru in her full cheeky self, lazily swinging on her chair.
"Miss Oikawa, we have discussed this matter already. The answer is no. And please, refrain from experimenting whether it's possible to balance yourself on one chair leg. Aside from the fact that it isn't, you are in danger of hurting yourself." The adult patiently replied, her face as smooth as fuck (according to Tooru).
She rolled her eyes but listened anyway.
"Does anyone have any ideas as to what could be performed?" the teacher repeated the question, eyeing all of his lab rat- students.
That's when one hand was raised. To everyone's surprise, it was also by the least expected person to it!
"In my opinion, Katherina from 'The Taming of the Shrew' is very befitting to Oikawa's personality." Hajime stated, his voice clear and determined.
Just a small summary of the plot:
The main characters are Katherina, a stubborn, cheeky girl with sharp tongue - the 'shrew' of this story - and a sly fortune seeker Petruchio. Katherina is forced to marry this man who is determined to 'tame' her by all means available. After lots of psychological tormenting, Kate changes into a nice, obedient bride. In other words, he breaks her strong will.
But Tooru knew about that story. She read it years ago and didn't like the end any bit: "You just want to enjoy seeing me suffer, don't you?"
The boy in question didn't even try to hide it: "It would indeed be pleasant to have you listen to each of my words." then he sweetly quoted: "Oh heavens, Kate, I wouldn't think of burdening you. I know how light and carefree you are."
The brunette girl raised an eyebrow, surprised by the sudden change. But she herself knew what came after this line: "Too light for a lout like you to catch-though no lighter than I should be."
"Should be? Maybe you should be the subject of some buzz!" the strawberry blond continued.
"Buzz off, buzzard." The girl retorted, her face disgusted.
This was indeed getting interesting.Hajime played along: If I'm a buzzard, you're a turtledove."
"Only a buzzard would think so."
"Come, my little wasp-you're too angry." Hajime waved his hand in a superior way.
"If I'm a wasp, look out for my stinger." Tooru rested her chin on her palm, the look in her eyes dangerous.
" All I have to do is remove it."
The girl snickered: "True, if a fool such as yourself could find it."
"Everyone knows where a wasp wears its stinger. In its tail." The used-to-be Ace said, enjoying this conversation way too much.
"No, in its tongue." Tooru's face cracked into a grin. Hajime surely wouldn't think that this delinquent of a girl would remember such an irrelevant fight of Katherine and Petruchio, would he?
" Whose tongue?"
The grin now turned into a smug grin: "Yours, if we're talking about tales."
("Tales" here means "lies," as in "telling tales," and is a pun on "tail," which, when Petruchio first mentions it, means "butt." Their punning involves a lot of sexual innuendo. Katherine/Tooru basically told Petruchio/Hajime to kiss her ass.)
And this loveful conversation would have taken another twenty minutes if it weren't for a slightly irritated principal .
"My dear students, would you please calm down?"
Either way, the girl was satisfied with the outcome, sending a provocating kiss to her rival.
Oikawa 1, Iwa-Chan 0
After a long pause when no one knew how to continue, another student had an idea: "What about Hamlet?"
Hajime immediately reacted: "I'm in favor of that idea."
The A class dared to hope that for once, they would come to an agreement without any bickering and fighting. Oh, how wrong they were.
"I'm not very sure about that," The principal refused, shaking her head. "We need two main characters, a girl and a boy."
In other words, she wanted shipping material for her son and his soon to be wife.
"But that's exactly it, sir." The ravenette declared as though it was the most obvious thing in this world. "I will be Hamlet whose love interest is Ophelia. I would be most delighted if Oikawa played her role."
The girl in question frowned, the realization hitting her: "As hell I will. Ophelia is too obedient and stupid, not to mention she goes nuts and drowns herself."
This time it was Hajime with a smug grin on his face: "Why not? I wouldn't mind having you die. The sooner, the better, actually. And with me playing the cunning and manful Hamlet, everything would be perfect."
"I don't want to spoil your silly expectations, but you do know that you die in the end, right Second-place-kun?"
"I die a hero, you die a screw loose." And Iwaizumi returned her provocating kiss back.
Oikawa 1, Iwa-Chan 1
But no matter how much they wanted to settle this battle, they weren't allowed to do so. Not only did they enrage the Principal very much, their high-level conversation fried their classmates' brain.
When the score settled to [Oikawa 3, Iwa-Chan 3], even Chinsei had to accept that those two weren't getting along any time soon, ridding them of their roles and giving them to someone else.
And then making them clean up after the theater was finished.
