My Musical Romance

Chapter 5

So this chapter pretty much explains why I hate eating. It's a kinda touchy subject for me. Oh how I wish I weighed as much as Honouris does ;~; I'm nearly there though (yayyy). This story is pretty much describing my life at the moment. I guess, they do say, write what you know. 

Chapter 5

We got into California. My black jeans attracted the heat, and I had taken my hoodie off as soon as we stepped out into the heat. My sunglasses provided little help in seeing anything.

We got into the airport, greeted by busy mums and crying babies. I immediately stuck my earphones in and blocked out the noise.

Alice pulled me around, so I didn’t get lost, which I probably would. I have the worst sense of direction in the world. I was pulled into a car and I buckled myself in. The fact that we were driving on the other side of the road made me feel queasy half the time. I flinched every time a car drove past us for the first hour of the drive. My head started to hurt after a while, and I felt faint.

“Are you okay Honouris?” Alice asked, worried. I started to count back the hours to when I last ate. 100 hours. My stomach felt empty, and I loved it.  I started to see those familiar black dots.

“Honouris? Are you okay?” Alice asked again. I looked at her and smiled.

“I’m fine.” I replied, as more black dots appeared. I looked at what Sadie was holding to me. An apple.

I wanted to eat it, but I couldn’t. I hated the feeling of food in my stomach. I wanted to be empty, because that’s how I felt.

“Honouris, eat.” Alice ordered. I took the apple, and took a tiny bite of it. Nemi smiled at me, glad I was eating. Sadie looked sad because I didn’t take a huge bite and Alice carried on looking worried.

Why was everyone worried about me?

I was fat. I wanted to be empty and hollow, because that’s how I felt. I wanted to see my bones. I wanted to die, and this was going to kill me. It wasn’t as if I was underweight.

I was fat.

I was ugly.

I wanted to die so, so much.

Why can’t they just let me?

Alice’s POV

I noticed that Honouris was glaring, like she hated everyone as she ate the apple slowly. I wanted her to be okay. She was getting to be underweight, weighing in at 89 lbs. She thought she was fat, when everyone else was so worried about her.

Her wrists were so tiny.

Her ribs where showing so much.

I was so scared of her being close to death.

She needed to be okay.

We got to the hotel. Honouris stood up and wobbled a bit. Sadie grabbed hold of her arms, to steady her but Honouris shook her off.

She pulled out a cigarette and walked away, into the hotel. Her stick thin arms shook as she pulled her heavy suitcase.

We followed behind her, making sure she didn’t fall over. Checking in, Honouris practically ran to our room. She locked herself in the bathroom after taking something out of her suitcase.

I heard crying. Loud, non-stopping, heart breaking sobs. 

“Honouris? Are you alright?!” Nemi’s voice gradually grew higher in pitch.

There was no reply, except for the sobs getting quieter.

She unlocked the door, and walked out calmly. We looked inside the bathroom and we were greeted by something we hoped never to see again.

Honouris’ POV

3 months, 13 weeks, 91 days, 2191.45 hours of staying strong.

All down the drain.

Because I gained weight.

God damn it.

I had starved and starved for nothing. I could actually see the pound I had gained on my body. Oh how I wish I was skinny a beautiful.

Nemi’s POV

We were so worried for Honouris. She was deluded by the image in the mirror.

Opening up the door to see the room covered in blood was scary as hell. She had been getting better, or at least that’s what we thought.

Why couldn’t she see that she was thin? Thin and still beautiful. Everyone could see it, everyone but her.

I was jealous of her body.

Sadie’s POV

I want Honouris to be better. I had noticed her not eating, but I didn’t want to say anything because everyone thought I was stupid and they’d think I was making it up.

I felt so sorry for her. She was in pain. She didn’t deserve it. She should be happy.

Honouris’ POV

I wanted to die. My arm and stomach were bleeding more than ever.  I was feeling faint because of blood loss and not eating.

Maybe this would kill me.

Alice came to me, without saying anything; she put cloths to my cuts and applied pressure. She said nothing. I felt like I had disappointed her, but even if I had, she wouldn’t tell me.

I sat there, waiting for her to finish.

She looked in my eyes, worry filling them.

“I’m okay, Alice.” I assured her.

“No you’re not. You’re anything but okay. It’s not okay to starve yourself to the point you feel faint. It’s not okay to cut yourself. It’s okay to not be okay, but what’s not okay is staying that way.” She said to me, calmly.

Was it really okay not to be okay?

~Edited~