All in one year
I lost so much
I lost so many chances to hold a child
Inside me, grow it like a --
I don't know. I might never know
What it feels like
To grow a child in my belly.
I lost my family.
No one died; it shattered like her mind
When he said it was time to quit it.
Quit the fake, the false, the farce
Of marriage. It was the beginning of
A large shatter, one that led to
Estrangement
Hatred
Longing
Loss
Freedom.
I lost my mother.
She, accusatory, blameful,
Hurtful, made me expose my true self
Which she rejected.
Called me names,
Questioned my intentions,
My marriage, and my
Quality as a person.
I don't miss
Anger
Resentment
Blame
I don't miss her.
I lost my first responsibility
Hank
Baby-Hank
Red-fox fur,
Napping buddy
Stomach turned over
Intestines pinched shut
He starved, bled, cried,
And so did we.
Shotgun blast, incinerator.
No mercy.
There seems to be a dearth
Of mercy. Tapped out,
Pushing us to the edge
Of a cliff that grows
Ever higher.
There is nothing left
To give, and I am afraid
That my life is the
Last loss to bear.
YOU ARE READING
Big Eyes
PoetryPoems from my path across the United States as I attempt to heal and find my family. ***my mother and I have reconciled. We're good, you shouldn't worry.
