A Penny For Your Tears [Z.M]

Forty One

Harry placed the cup of tea down in front of me and I smiled at him gratefully before holding the hot object between my fingers, sipping slowly on the liquid. Harry nodded gently before returning to the kitchen, his plaid pajama bottoms making him right at home. He had been staying with me ever since the day Louis came, guns blazing and all, that was three weeks ago. He didn't want me to be alone for fear of Luca taking me away, I told him if that were to happen then it was rightfully deserved, that statement alone made him certain that I needed to be guarded constantly. At least he cared. He had offered a change of scenery, trying to persuade me to stay in his apartment in London, but I declined, not wanting to miss the chance to see Zayn when he came back. If he came back.

"Have you spoken to Zayn?" I asked as he returned fro the kitchen with his own tea, a pathetic sigh escaping his lips as he sat opposite me. I asked him this question almost every two days for the past three weeks, all of them met with a 'no, not really' but he and I both knew that was a lie. Zayn and Harry were best friends, brothers even, they had been through it all together, there's no way they hadn't been keeping in touch.

"Yes, I've spoken to him." Harry answered much to my surprise and I leaned in, eager to know more. "He didn't say much other than he just needed some time and asked me how business was doing."

"Did he say anything about me?" I asked hopefully, voice but a small whisper. Again, Harry gave me that sad smile he had been giving all day and shook his head.

"Not directly, he did ask if I had heard anything from, and I quote, any Italians and I'm assuming he means Barletta or Marchesi. But besides that he didn't mention your name, refused to met me even mention it, he just asked about Aaliyah."

"Oh," I didn't bother to hide my disappointment, "Well, how is Aaliyah doing?" It hurt most that Aaliyah was one of the people I had to lose because of my own recklessness. I loved her before I ever loved Zayn and knowing that she had to be kept away from me for her own safety was like a stab to the heart.

"She's good, well as good as she can be considering the situation. She's staying with my sister until Zayn comes home, whenever that is." I nodded absentmindedly, eyes welling up with tears but I refused to cry in front of Harry, not again, so I stood up abruptly, the harsh noise of the chair scraping against the floor echoing throughout the room as I abandoned my tea and rushed to my room, hiding underneath my duvet as I cried myself to sleep, settling in to the routine I had fallen into this last month, which was cry, sleep, shower and repeat.

I had forgotten to close my window this morning and so the cold wind from outside was able to brush over me and slightly rouse me from my sleep. I mumbled something incoherently before pulling my duvet closer to my chin and tried to continue my slumber, however soon the loud noise of next door's lawn mower and the slightly disgusting smell of freshly cut grass woke me up completely causing me throw my head  back with a groan as I ran my hand over my swollen eyes, rubbing away any remaining trace of sleep. I shot abruptly when my mind slowly processed the thought that had just ran through my head, next door, there was only one person who could be next door. Without thinking it through, I threw on a cardigan and stuffed my feet into a pair of slippers before rushing out through the backdoor, making sure Harry didn't see me before rushing over to Zayn and Aaliyah's back garden. My heart thumped loudly against my rib cage as the sound of the lawn mower got louder and the familiar smell of a cigarette smell filled my nostril-then I saw him. His back was to me, riding those vehicle type lawn mowers as focused on the task at hand, oblivious to my presence. He had changed quite a bit in the two months we were apart, the buzz cut I had left him with was now overgrown and badly in need of a trim as well as the scruffy beard he was now sporting. His body still looked buff, a healthy sign that unlike me he was still eating, however, he didn't resemble the usually perfectly groomed Zayn that I knew.  I was in disbelief, brow furrowed in a slight confusion, not just at the fact that he was actually here but he was here and of all things he was cutting the grass? I watched him for what felt like hours, not daring to call his name scared that he would disappear and this would be all a dream.

"Zayn." I called out weakly when I realized I couldn't just stand here all day and watch him, he didn't hear me so I called him again and again, screaming his name at this point but I was drowned out by the raucous of the lawn mower.I glanced at Zayn, whose back was still to me, and then at the machine and in sheer desperation I ran in front of it, calling Zayn's name again and hoping he'd stop in time. It all happened so quickly one minute I was standing there, about to be crushed by a fucking grass cutter and the next Zayn had practically flown over the machine to pull me out of the way. We were both laying in the grass, panting heavily as we stared deeply into each others eyes, reality forgotten for a second until it wasn't. Zayn scrambled off of me, eyes glazed with emotion and hands balled in fists.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" He spat angrily and I didn't know how to respond, I was looking forward to this moment, praying so badly for him to come home and now he was home, what now?

"You're cutting the grass. Why?" I couldn't believe those were the words that came out of my mouth and clearly neither could Zayn. He stared at me, mouth agape in shock before he shook his head with a hysterical laugh.

"The grass? The fucking grass, of course, all of this is some sick joke to you."

"No, Zayn, that's not true.I-"

"Whatever you have to say Olivia, I don't want to hear it, just leave me be. You've hurt me enough, there's no need to rub it in." He began walking and I desperately clung to his arm.

"No, Zayn, please, please listen to me. Ever since I got back here, I've been sitting by window, waiting for the day you'd come home. I know I've messed up, I know you'll never be able to forget but please, please, I'm so tired of hurting, I'm tired of crying. I just want you again. I'm so fucking sorry for hurting you, for hurting Aaliyah, it was never my intention to, I thought I was doing what was best but I was wrong. I was wrong, Zayn, and I'm sorry. Please know I love you too much to intentionally hurt you." Zayn looked at my hand on his arm as if it physically hurt him when I touched him.

"You're tired of hurting, Olivia, you're tired of crying, Olivia. Do you realize how fucking selfish you sound? What do you think I've been doing these last two months huh? Partying? No, Olivia, I've still been  in Amsterdam this whole time  because just the mere thought of you and being near you was enough to reduce me to tears, to remind me of your betrayal, the way you lied to my face time and time again. He killed my parents, Olivia, and you never thought once that I  deserved the right to now. You never thought about me or even of Aaliyah who loves you more than she loves herself. God," He pulled his arm away from my grasp harshly and gripped his hair in frustration. " I should have never came come back."

"But you did Zayn, you came back and that must mean something." Zayn gave me a look before laughing humorlessly.

"You're an idiot if you think I came back for you. Need I remind you that I have a sister, a barely sixteen year old who only has one living family member left thanks your ex-boyfriend. Not everything is about you, Olivia, it's about time you saw that." I gulped, holding back my tears. His words were harsh and though I knew they were fueled by anger and emotion and he probably didn't mean them, they still hurt regardless.

"What about us?" I asked foolishly as Zayn began walking towards his home. He paused, breathing heavily as if he were crying before he turned around to face me, cheeks stained with tears confirming my suspicion.

"Us?" He scoffed. "There is no us, there is no we, there is no me and you, there's only you, Olivia, it's always been only you because our entire relationship is based on lies, deceit and manipulation. It was never real, it couldn't have been because love doesn't hurt like this, it doesn't make you do things that you know will hurt your partner. It's you Olivia, it's always been about you. And now, it will be you and you alone, we're done. Stay away from me and my sister." With that he walked away from me, not even turning back once.

A/N: Damn, my heart can't take all this pain. We were rooting for you Ziv, we were all rooting for you? Don't worry guys, there's still nine chapters left, a lot can happen in nine chapters so keep your chin up. Remember to vote and comment, I'm curious to see what y'all think! There will be a new update soon, so stay tuned and to all the new readers, welcome to the family!