My Tears Still Fall

... this is made to hurt :,)

It's been a while since we talked.

It's okay though.

I know you are growing healthy and it's probably better that I'm not there.

Kirishima, I miss you.

It's hard for me to say that because I always felt like I made the best decisions for myself.

But with this one.. I'm not so sure.

I always did things to protect myself because I've been hurt so many times; there were times where I wished I would've said those things that hurt me to you.

I always made sure no one got close.

I have been manipulated for a very long time.

I have been hurt and have hurted others.

I grew to be angry, hating the world that I live in.

And when I met you.. it felt like a breath of fresh air.

There was something about you that I couldn't push away.

We became closer and closer.

It scared me and I felt like I could trust you.

We made promises that we… I wasn't able to keep in the long run.

We loved each other.

I still love you.

You might not after what I did.

But just maybe there is something there. I'm not counting on it, but I'm hoping.

One day something happened...

And that's when it all changed.

You became angry at me for every little thing I would say.

We would argue and argue.

I wanted to say that I didn't want to fight.

But I just couldn't. I thought you would call me weak. I was scared.

Then we just stopped talking.

Once we stopped talking the more, I became angry at myself for not speaking to you. I became angry at you for not speaking to me.

Because I missed you.

I missed everything about you.

I missed how we would spend the entire day texting each other.

I missed the way we would hug for long seconds.

I missed the way your face would light every time you were excited.

I missed the way you would awkwardly dance in public areas.

I missed the way we would say things at the same time.

I missed the way we would call each other sweet and sappy names.

I missed the way we would cuddle at night.

I missed the way you would play with my hair.

I missed the way you would sing with me to songs from musicals.

I missed everything about you…

But because I'm a terrible friend... I avoided you, blocked you, and never spoke to you.

And a good friend would ask if you were okay.

…But I'm not.

I'm a horrible friend because I never had any.

I was manipulated at a young age. By family and "friends".

It affected me in the worst way possible and I regret so many things.

I should've talked to you again.

I should've spoken up about how I was feeling.

I should've said I'm sorry.

…I want you to know.

I cry every night thinking about you.

I sit in class thinking about how we could have been talking.

I watch the TV remembering you holding me in your arms.

I never stopped thinking about you.

The things that hurt the most are the now empty promises..

I promised I would always been there.

I promised I would bring you to meet my entire family.

I promised we would travel the world together.

I promised I would marry you.

I promised I would be at your funeral.

But because I am the worst person imaginable, I went and hurt your feelings.

I made you think I didn't love you and was lying whenever I said those words.

But that isn't true… I never stopped loving you.

I love you, Eijiro.

I really do. I wish you would forgive me.

But even if you did..

I would never be able to forgive myself.

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So.. uhh with everything happening in other krbks' minds lately (saying that Kirishima and Bakugo are growing apart, they aren't talking, etc) I've actually been going through this in real life... So uh this is just a rant.. let me know if you want me to continue, but I can't promise you guys any happy endings.

To this person I wish would read this and to who I hurt the most, I am so sorry. From the bottom of my heart.