Without The Words

Chapter 13

Our gazes battled with each other. The silence began to grow thick with every second that ticked away.

I reluctantly tore my eyes away from his and struggled to grab my notepad from my backpack. As every bit of confidence melted away from me, my notepad fell out of my hands and landed on the tiled floor with a thud.

There was no doubt that I probably looked undeniably ridiculous standing there in front of him, my weakness radiating from my body. I truly wanted to melt into the floor and flatten into cement so I could match the dull green and white tiles beneath me. I helplessly stared at my notepad now sadly laying on the ground, the first purposely empty page ripped halfway off.

I didn't want to bend down to grab it. Could I get even more pathetic? Since there was no other option I could choose, I bent down slowly, reaching for my notepad that I now noticed had powdery dirt from the floor dusted across the ripped page. Mr. Lee's hand reached for it at the same time.

Both our fingers were now lightly touching the ugly notepad and it took all my might to not slit my throat right then and there. The embarrassment my body was experiencing was at its' highest notch, the evidence as clear as day, due to the fact that my cheeks were burning up and probably looked like tomatoes. My fingers let go of the notepad, which was out of my control completely because it felt as if my whole body was from a different planet.

"Sorry," he said as he grabbed the notepad more firmly. He stood up slowly and I copied his actions while the expression on my face was completely blank.

"Here you go," he said awkwardly, handing me the notepad and giving me a tight smile. His finger brushed against mine and I physically touched my jaw to keep it from dropping.

Now that I had the notepad, I could continue what I was doing before I interrupted my own plan. I grabbed the pen out of my jean pocket, flipped to a new page, and began to gently write.

I thought I would be a bother.

I slowly turned the notepad around so I could show him. He moved his face a little closer to the notepad, his eyes trailing after every word my pen possessed. He ran a hand through his curly hair and I found myself staring in awe at how thick and smooth it must feel. Thankfully being in control of myself, I focused my attention on the notepad I was holding.

"You're not a bother at all," he said quietly. "Come on." He gestured again at the classroom.

I nodded shyly and watched him enter his own classroom. His aroma of pure mint invisibly clouded around me for a few seconds, until it faded and I finally collected myself. I ripped the stupid first page of my notepad off, crumpled it into a ball, and shoved it into the depths of my backpack. I silently hoped something as embarrassing as that would never happen again.

I entered his classroom and picked my usual seat in the back, but the fact that the whole classroom was empty and two of the three hanging lights were off caused me to feel too far away from him. Not that it mattered, anyways. I'd be sleeping, right?

It had to be today that sleep would not blanket me. My elbows blocked my view from him as I lay face down on the desk, darkness and the smell of Windex my only senses. If it hadn't been for Mr. Lee looking as beautiful as the moon in the daylight, I could have easily fallen asleep. However, his presence was enough to make my heart stop.

I laid with my head on the desk, the sound of papers being flipped through and shoved to the back of other piles being an oddly comfortable rhythm.

After ten minutes of my neck hurting from being in such an awkward position, I lifted my head and looked around to a room that looked just like the way I left it. I sighed and rested my chin on my hand propped by my elbow.