Just A Random Story

chaperre 11

~Kendra's pov~

It's been two weeks since he left me hanging—two weeks filled with a suffocating silence, punctuated only by my own bitter thoughts, each one a jagged stone in my chest. The bastard thinks he can just waltz out of my life and then, when it suits him, come back months later to explain himself? I hope he and that little piece of work get into a car accident and die. They deserve worse, and yet here I am, trapped in this nightmare of my own making, clawing at the walls of my mind.

How could I have ever believed he would stay? He told me he loved me, swore he wanted to be with me forever. Did he lie? Or did his love for me simply weaken over time, like threadbare fabric slowly unraveling? Confusion swirls in my mind like a tempest, leaving me breathless. What do I do now?

Moving on feels impossible. After everything we built together, how does one just let go? But the kids... right, I still have to take care of the kids. God, the thought of it makes me feel hollow. They remind me so much of him that it physically hurts to look at them. Those little shits. Why can't they just take care of themselves? Maybe I should just give them away. I can't do this anymore; they drive me crazy.

"Mom, are you okay?" Elise asks, her brow furrowed in concern, and for a split second, I want to lash out at her, unleash all my frustrations on the one person who dares to question my pain. "Mom, are we eating tonight?" The weight of her question crushes me. Shit. I forgot to get food.

"Yeah, yeah, one second. Grab Ruby; we're going to the store." My voice is sharp, cutting through the air like a knife, a stark contrast to the weight of my thoughts. Elise dashes upstairs, and I grit my teeth, feeling impatience rise within me like bile. "Hurry up!" I yell, the sound echoing in the empty house, a desperate plea for time to move faster, for the walls to close in around me and silence my turmoil.

They come running down, Ruby cradled in Elise's arms, excitement radiating from them as if they haven't a care in the world. "Get in the car," I snap, and they scramble obediently, fearful of my mood, their innocence a stark reminder of my own crumbling sanity.

As I drive to the store, I park in the spot closest to the entrance, defiantly breaking the rules as if that small act of rebellion will somehow alter my reality. I shove the kids out of the car and march into the store, the fluorescent lights flickering above me like the fragile state of my own mind, a reminder of the instability that lurks just beneath the surface.

I place Ruby in the cart, her small frame curled up and peaceful amidst my chaos. "Grab the cart, Elise, and don't let go." The last thing I need is for her to run off, leaving me to fend for myself in this disorienting maze of aisles. I grab the essentials: bread, milk, Lunchables, some ham—anything to keep the noise at bay. All I want is to go home, collapse onto the couch, and drown my sorrows in wine, sweet oblivion beckoning like a siren's song.

At the cashier, I throw my items onto the conveyor belt, the sound echoing in my ears, each clatter a reminder of my decisions. "Hi! How are you? Find everything okay?" Elena, the cashier, is annoyingly chipper, her voice a stark contrast to the storm brewing inside me. "Yeah, everything was fine," I reply, my voice flat as cardboard, devoid of warmth.

"Good! And how are you two doing today? Oh, such cuties you have!" She waves at the kids, her smile blinding and infuriating all at once. "Thanks, they're a handful." Why did I have to choose this checkout line? Can't she just shut up?

"Oh my gosh, I love your necklace! It's beautiful. Where did you get it?" Her voice pierces through my fog, and I look down at the heart necklace that still hangs around my neck, a ghost of his affection that clings to me like a curse. I can't believe I'm still wearing it. In a moment of rage, I yank it off and thrust it at her. "Shove it up your ass," I spit, my anger bubbling over, the shame hot on my cheeks. I toss a twenty-dollar bill on the counter, snatch my bags, and storm out, the kids trailing behind me like lost puppies, shadows of my own despair.

Once home, I bark orders, "Grab some bags, Elise." She struggles with the milk, her small hands barely managing to balance it. I grab the rest of the bags, moving ahead of her with a heavy heart and a growing sense of dread, the weight of my responsibilities pressing down like a stone. I open the door, and just as I step inside, I hear a sickening thud behind me.

Turning around, I see the milk carton toppled on the ground, white liquid pooling like my hopes on the floor. "You stupid bitch!" I yell at Elise, frustration spilling over, hot and volatile. I raise my hand in exasperation, and I see her flinch, her eyes wide with fear. My heart sinks. How could I ever hit my own child? "You get inside the house now! And get to your room!"

She drops the bag, scoops up Ruby, and runs upstairs, leaving me alone with the mess. Great. Now I have to clean this up, a cruel reminder of the chaos that has consumed my life. As I kneel on the floor, wiping up the spill, the coldness of the milk seeping into the tiles mirrors the weight of despair pressing down on me, and I wonder if I will ever find my way back to the surface, or if I'm destined to drown in this sea of sorrow.