- Adrenaline -

Chapter 18: Forward.

I spent all night holding onto Johns sweater, burying my face in it every ten seconds whenever a negative thought would occur. Nothing was more nerve-wracking than the impending doom of your social life, or lack there of, I guess.
Part of me wanted to just stay home and not worry about it, but I couldn't do that. I knew for a fact John was going to go to school tomorrow with his head held high and his pride and ego even higher.
Letting John go to school alone, would really prove what a dick I can be. Am I scared? Of fucking course I am! Up until now I've lived what I thought to be a normal life. John texted me early in the morning, saying that he would pick me up for school. Maybe this is the best way to go about things- with confidence.
5:30 AM and I'm getting terribly sick in the bathroom from my nerves, throwing up what little I had in my system. I pop a take as needed anxiety pills or two, force it down with water, and hop into the shower. I cant let this day start wrong.
6 AM, I'm putting on fresh, clean clothes, ones with no paint stains, ones that smell nice and not like alcohol and tears. I look... okay. I feel awful, but I have to pretend that that isn't the case. Just for today.
6:15 AM, I get a text from Joan.

Joansy, 6:15 AM
Hey Vincent, u okay?

Me, 6:15 AM
Trying to be.

There's a honk outside my house. I smile, knowing Johns here to pick me up, to walk beside me in the halls, to be there for me, and I can be there for him. My stomach turns with the lock on the front door as I leave, quickly skipping from my front porch to the passenger side of his car.
I throw my things in the back and smile at him.
"Your eye is looking better."
"Thanks- how're your uh, ribs?"
"Stabilized."
John turned on the radio like there wasn't a heavy tension in the air. He really was a cool as he appeared to be, or maybe he's faking it. I watch him the entire ride. I see how his eyes glaze over the road, to road signs, and traffic lights; yielding to pedestrians and people on bicycles.
I watched his nostrils flare as he took several deep breaths at every stop. His hands gripped onto the steering wheel like his life depended on it. We parked in the senior parking lot of the high school.
Hesitantly, I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly. Just yesterday he seemed so confident that nothing bad would happen, but now I can practically smell the nerves on him.
"Hey.."
John turns and looks at me,
"No fights today, alright?"

We got out of the car, locking it, and he held his hand out for me to take. I might have already gushed about this, but... wow. His hand wraps so perfectly around mine. They're so warm, and calloused from working out and playing sports. I happily take his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers like we were sewing ourselves to each other.
John led the way through the courtyard. I was right, what I said about him earlier. His head was held high. He greeted several peers that only stood silent and in awe. Nobody had approached us.

Joan was waiting for me, by my defaced locker. She must have seen it at some point- or heard something about it. She almost looked worried, but her expression changed almost instantly.
"Vin- cent. And. Kennedy?"
John waved his free hand.
"Hey, um, good morning Joan." I smiled at her. Her eyes darted between the two of us- from Johns face, to our hands which held each other like they belonged together, to me.
Suddenly, her surprise turned into anger. She grabbed John by the collar, getting into his face.
"Kennedy, if this is a fucking dare, I'm going to shove my foot so far up your ass-"
"Joan!"
"One second Vin, I'm very busy making a point here."
"No, Joan, it's not a dare!" I tried to explain, pulling on her arm, "John and I have been- we've been um- seeing... seeing each other for- I think... maybe two... weeks now?"
"Two weeks?"
Then there's the look of realization.
"Oh my god. I thought that was just a rumor!"
Joan let go of Jack's shirt, apologizing for losing her cool.
"So, you like guys too now? Like, three weeks ago or whatever you were losing your mind over sleeping in the same bed as him!"
I cocked an eyebrow up in thought, "Well, to be honest, I don't think I like girls at all."
The bell above us rang, signaling to get out of the hallway or be bulldozed by the hall monitor.
"I'll walk you to your class, alright?" John told me, taking my hand back into his.
"That's stupid."
"Let's go."

When John wasn't around, neither was the silence from the other students. I don't think I can count how many spit balls were shot my way- and missed. These people have very poor aim.
In second period, a kid asked me,
"So how'd you hurt your ribs? Furious gay sex?"
"It was better sex than you've ever had."
Impulsive of me, but I had to shut down as many of these motherfuckers as possible. I just hope John doesn't find out I told someone we- golly...
The bottom line is, these kids aren't shit, and I can see through all of them. They wouldn't dare talk to me with Kennedy around, but the minute I was alone, I was a target. They're scared.
And I know they're scared. I kind of want to test my luck. When I walked into the cafeteria, something was off about it. It seemed more compact, like penguins huddling for warmth in the middle of winter. I sat down at an empty table, eyeing around for John. I don't understand.
How come Rock Hudson Hudson and Oscar Wilde came out and it was no big deal? They went to prom together, no one questioned it, it wasn't even gossip worthy, so what makes this so different? I sunk my head down onto the table hiding my face from the blinding cafeteria lights. The table thumped, and I looked up to see John with his lunch tray
"You don't look good. Did somethin' happen?"
"I don't know a whole lot about things, but I really don't like how many times I was asked who the girl is in the relationship."
"I thought the whole point of two guys dating is that there isn't a girl involved?"
I smiled, then I laughed- and then I realized something.
The entire cafeteria was quiet because they weren't sure how to react to us. Some people were confused, a lot of people disgusted, but that didn't matter to me. John just being next to me, eating lunch with me, talking with me- that's what mattered. Every laugh and giggle went against several of the students, as if they were personal attacks. The truth is they gave us that power.
I can ruin someone's entire day by being happy. That's pretty cool.

~

After school, John wanted to take me out to Teen Sex Cove- "not for sex," he assured me, but just because it has a nice view over a canyon.
John left the car on, and subsequently the radio, which played 80s pop music while we sat on the ledge of the cliff, and for a good moment, I let a lot of things off my chest. John listened intently the entire time.
"You know, John, I thought going to that post-XJTs party was the worst thing that ever happened to me."
"Yeah? Why's that?"
"I think because I was really confused. I never- I never felt really anything for anyone, and when I woke up half naked in your bed, it came as a pretty big shock to me."
John laughed, "You shoulda woken me up."
"Are you crazy? I was in my briefs and socks, and nearly positive something had happened."
"And that's why you er, stopped at my table at the uh, the Grassy Knoll?"
"I was terrified! Until that point I was perfectly content never having any interactions with anyone at all!"
"That party was kinda a bust anyway."
"I'm scared to know what a good party looks like then."
John sighed, "Nah, it was more like- I dunno. I was really hyped for you to show up, and I couldn't find you until you got all sick."
"You wanted me to show up?"
"Cleo said she had er- she had uh invited you for fair info or somethin', and I had seen you around and stuff, and you looked pretty cool."
"Oh- that.. kind of makes the fact that a month ago I hated you kind of embarrassing."
"No, that's okay, I get it."
"That's why I'm actually really glad I went, though. It kind of like, opened this door of opportunity for me, an opportunity that- that I guess involved you, and- over these past few weeks I've struggled a lot with my feelings."
John nods quietly, looking over the river below us.
"I would have never guessed that you- that we would-"
"I get what your sayin'."
"But I'm kind of glad that we... did. Are? You've... you've shown me a lot of things, Kennedy."
"You've done a lot for me too, short stuff."
There was a moment of silence between the two of us. But it wasn't uncomfortable, it was the kind of silence at the end of the movie where you feel nice and warm. There were no words left unsaid, no secrets waiting to be told- oh-
"I forgot to tell you- I kind of told someone we uh, laid together- it was impulsive, I just wanted to get them off my back, and-"
"Hey, that's fine, don't worry about it."
I looked at him as he pushed himself up from the ground effortlessly, holding a big hand out for me to grab onto.
"Let's go get somethin' to eat, yeah?"

I smiled and took his hand.