Bewitching the Mind and Ensnaring the Senses

CHAPTER TEN: Comfort and Fear

-Three months later: Mid-April-

Ariana:

I stare blankly at the large castle. It looks dark and twisted. Different than I ever remember it. After months of trying to tell myself that I'd never return here I stand. After writing to Lupin I received a letter where he explained they had shut down Astrology studies at Hogwarts because they could not find another Professor on such short notice. Feeling nothing but sorrow for the children who seemed to love the subject when I was there I wrote to Albus and requested my job back. He, of course, happily welcomed me. Even though I had been gone on the Isle for months I never felt alone. I always felt as though someone was there. Distant but waiting.

I missed Severus but the thought of facing him makes my stomach flip. I've already decided I will be going out of my way to avoid him, asking Hoddy to bring my meals to my office and chambers. But that doesn't stop me from wondering how he is. What has be been doing? Does he miss me to? I grip at my robes and grit my teeth as I begin to climb the long staircase into Albus' office. I fear the worst. I fear he's going to prod and poke at my brain to see where I was, what I was doing, how I am feeling.

"Ariana, so good to have you back. The children will be delighted." I expect him to go on, as he usually does but he sits staring at me waiting for a response.

"I'm happy to be back sir" I say fidgeting with the hem of my sleeve. I want to ask him how Severus is. I want to ask him if everything is okay. If my leaving broke him again. But I bite my tongue. I watch as he searches my face, as though he knows.

"Well, you should probably be off to bed. Your class will resume tomorrow and you and your students have a bit of catching up to do." I turn and take my leave, fighting the flood of words that press at my lips as I exit. The halls that once held happy memories of Severus and I warning students they should hurry to their common rooms to not have points deducted seem devoid of life. I trace the walls with my hands as I used to on my walks to the dungeons. Bitter sweet memories swirl in my head and regret settles in the pit of my stomach. Albus warned me not to push Severus and yet I did, thinking I was smart enough to talk my way through a clearly complex situation. When I finally reach my room it was cleaned, devoid of my temper tantrum from before I left. All of my books are placed neatly on shelves. The wood is gone. The mantel lay empty. The only difference is that no stars shine on the ceiling. It's a blank blue, deep, and it sucks me in.

Severus:

Albus warned me of Anas return but when I see her walking, tracing her fingers along the wall, I freeze. Her hair flows. She looks alive. I feel my throat hitch. I'm unsure whether resentment or longing fuels my need to talk to her. To ask her why she left. To tell her I never meant to say the things I said, that I only said it because she asked me to. Resentment or longing aside fear stops me dead in my tracks. The woman I love stands in front of me and I am afraid, not of her, but of myself. Quickly I disregard my patrolling duties and slip into a corridor leading to the dungeons.

Ariana:

Slipping the thick parchment from my robes I unfold it. Tracing the circle with my finger I feel my eyes start to burn. The stars twinkle. My stars. I neatly place it on my mantle, where it belonged before, and step back feeling at home. I begin to palm at the things in my pockets searching. Slowly I retract a bottle. The pink liquid shimmers as I swirl it. Lightly I place it next to the parchment. I know its foolish but I pull my robes tight and leave my room, following the familiar path to the damp air. As I approach the brooding doors I smell the smell I yearned for once lost. I place my hand on the cold metal breathing deeply.

Severus:

As I rise from my chair I feel empty. My legs do not want to carry me any further. After three months of agonizing mind games and trying to bend people to my will its beginning to wear on me. I lean against the door lightly hoping to cool my feverish face. Then I smell it. Cherry blossoms and peaches envelop me. I squint my eyes and after a moment place my hand on the handle. I swiftly pull it open and all at once the smell is gone. I look back in the room searching for any cauldrons that may have remnants of potion. Any explanation.