All Smiles

Chapter 5

Milos Tattoo in the picture

"Oh! Look at the new tattoo Milo got!" Blaze suddenly brakes the silence we've worked ourselves into.  He forces Milo to stand and yanks his shirt up showing off the abstract tattoo covering his arm and upper chest. The skin is still red and blotchy.

I wolf whistle.

"Blaze!" Milo hisses, pulling his shirt down. Blaze looks up at him with "innocent" eyes and pouts.

"What? He's my best friend who I never get to see anymore. I want to catch him up with everything."

Milo just glares down at him and pulls him back into his lap.

"Maxie! Dinners done!" Mom yells from the door. I can smell the sweet smell of BBQ chicken wafting from inside.

"Oh yeah!" I cheer and run in before any of my friends can even stand up. I already have a full plate of chicken and salad when they get in.

Rosie looks tense and Nate looks nervous, Blaze is kinda... angry? Frustrated? Milo looks indifferent, but thats how he always looks so I skip over him. Maggie is nervous and 'Liza looks confused. Tyler looks shocked. 

"What? Its one of the few times I get a good home cooked meal anymore!" I tease, knowing that isn't the reason they are all upset but wanting to lighten the mood. 

My friends get plates and sit down.

"So, how are your grades?" Mom asks once everyone is sitting. I smile.

"Grades are good, I've been helping Reese a lot too so their grades are pretty good now too." Mom and dad haven't met Reese, but I told them about them.

"Good! Have you made any friends other then Reese and Tyler?" Mom asks, looking between Tyler and I.

"Nah, not really. But you know me! No one can resist my natural charm!" I give her my best smile and she laughs. 

The rest of dinner and dessert went like that. Then we played games until my parents got tired and everyone left. Promising to be back the next day. I lead Tyler to our guest bedroom. 

"You can sleep here. My room is across the hall." I tell him, pointing to my door. He nods then grabs my hand. I look down at it.

"So... Maxie." WHAT? 

"How did you-"

"Your mom said it when she called us for dinner. I guess you didn't notice." He says, looking a bit guilty but also kinda smug. I guess thats why everyone was so tense when they came in from the garage.

"Oh." Is the only thing I can say. I've kept my name a secret from every one at Martin Jenkins- having it out in the open feels like cold air blowing on a big cut. Different but not horrible.

"Can I ask you why you don't- why you go by Smiles?" He asks. His hand is still holding mine, which he uses to tug me into the room then shut the door.

I sigh. 

"There really isn't any reason to hide it anymore. I already know your name, and if you don't have a story for ending up in Martin Jenkins, then what could be so bad about telling me why you don't go by Maxie anymore?" Tyler states, making good points. But I don't have a story, I do have a reason.

"Look, Tyler, it's not a big deal. I just- I didn't and then the- well I smile so-"

He grabs my chin and forces me to look him in the eyes. "Shh" He whispers.

"Get your head together." I try to piece together what to tell him, because its not a big deal. I just ask him not to call me Maxie, and tell him why I go by Smiles. He isn't asking for the reason I'm in a delinquents school. Hes asking about my name.

"I smile more then anyone else at the school so they started to call me Smiles when no one could figure out my name. I don't go by Maxie cause I don't think its important. Who I am outside of that school means nothing to any of them and I- I don't need them figuring out what I'm in for. You don't- didn't know but I should really be in prison and I don't want people bringing it up and causing problems for me in my already less then satisfactory situation so I'm begging you not to look up my name or say it at school or or or-" I should be in prison. I should be in prison. I've killed people! What if someone hurt Reese? Would I kill them too? Would I kill anyone because they so much as look at my friends wrong? Am I gonna become some cold hearted killer? Do I like killing? I want to say no but maybe thats just the psychotic side of me trying to keep the real side of me from realizing I like to kill and eventually I'll kill someone else and-

"Maxie calm down!" Tyler is looking me in the eyes, hands cupping my face, thumbs wiping at tears. I didn't know I was crying. I feel a wave of calm creep over the panicky haze that had become my mind.

"It's fine. You're fine. Everyone at that school could have been sent to jail, your not some horrible killer, Maxie. You're fine." But I am a horrible killer, no matter what my therapist and my family and friends say. No matter how much I tell myself I should just smile cause at least Maggie isn't hurt. If I smile no one will know, so no one will bring it up or torment me. 

"Calm down!" Another wave of calm crashes into me, but I don't think its natural. I'm not calm. I'm sad and angry and there is this feeling welling up in my chest and I just want to sob and scream and brake something. 

Two arms wrap around me. Tylers hugging me?

"Maxie-" 

"Smiles."

"Smiles, you're okay. Just breath in." I try too. I keep trying, with my nose stuffed into his chest and I keep trying to breath in. Everything is fine. Everything is good. Its okay.