Wolfstar || Everything but straight

CHAPTER •°• four

      FOR A FEW DAYS after coming out to Maggie, Sirius tried to tell his friends that he was gay, just like he told her.

But... it just wasn't half as easy as it was with White.

Cause with Maggie, it was an impulse, a sudden need to inform her about it, but with his friends... he just didn't have it in him.

He wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was because he was so close to them for so long that he just couldn't stand a possibility of not being friends with them anymore.

It's not like he actually thought that they would stop being friends with him, but then... well, he kind of was afraid that that's exactly what they would do.

He also kind of avoided Maggie in that time, because he was afraid that she would ask him whether he has told anyone yet, and laugh at him if he didn't... even though he knew that she had no reason to do so.

And so he just spent those days either crawling alone in his bed, trying to behave naturally and also come out to his friends.

As much as he seemed to be behaving quite naturally indeed, the second part was a total disaster.

He tried to come out five times during three days and all those times he failed miserably.

First, he approached Peter, deciding that the guy had a golden heart and never seemed to laugh at anyone.

Well, not at one of his friends, anyway.

So he started, being like 'uhm, Peter I wanted to tell you that I'm...' and then he panicked and ran away. Later that day Wormtail told him that the next time Sirius will want to go eat he should wait for him.

It took Padfoot a while to understand that Peter thought, that he was going to say that he was hungry, not gay.

That alone made him feel like a total failure, but he didn't give up. Not yet, anyway.

He later tried to come out twice to James, once again to Peter and even once to Lily.

He couldn't bear the thought to even so much as try to come out to Remus, so he didn't.

It was just... if James started to dislike him, or Peter, or Lily... it would be bad, but if Remus started to dislike him... it would be fucking terrible.

But, not that it mattered, cause all his attempts didn't work out and when Saturday came along, he started to panic.

He hadn't told anyone yet that he broke up with Maggie. And he knew that if it kept going like that he would finally have to tell them or they'd start asking why wasn't she anywhere near lately.

He actually already caught Remus looking at him oddly and he assumed that it just had to be it and... oh man.

If they asked him why he broke up with Maggie he would have to tell them something and he just didn't know what, for some reason.

Like he never really needed a reason to break up with someone but it was Maggie and he was with her for a long time, and everybody knew that...

He kept going about it for almost a whole Saturday and then finally he got it.

He knew what he was going to do and once he came up with that idea, he couldn't be more proud of himself. Yes, he immediately felt relieved, actually.

He wasn't even sure if the plan would work, but... it had a big potential.

So he got off in the direction of the Hufflepuff common room, almost immediately. He practically ran through the whole way, as if he was afraid that otherwise he would forget his idea.